1) "The incorrect traditions of their fathers" doesn't apply only to those outside the Church. It applies to the Church, as an institution, and it applies to each individual in the Church, as well. (See the allegory of the vineyard in Jacob 5 for a good description of that concept.) "Incorrect traditions" are interwoven into every organization, from the largest to a single person living alone. That doesn't excuse the effects of those traditions, but it's critical to realize - since it helps blunt the natural tendency toward exclusive harshness when one is hurt by someone or something, particularly "the Church".
2) Believing in infallibility (or holding totally unrealistic expectations) hurts much more than accepting fallibility. Those with lower expectations are harmed less than those who have their unrealistic expectations shattered.
3) NOTHING is strictly an academic issue. EVERYTHING has an emotional element to someone.
4) Those who are hurt severely by someone or something have every right to be mad and want to strike back - and, in some cases, they have every right to strike back. Likewise, time and distance are necessary for healing to occur. However, when time and distance don't heal, other proactive steps must be taken. Striking back and lashing out never is the final solution, and they rarely are the best solution.
5) I personally believe that about 75%-90% of the hurt we feel was not intended by the ones who hurt us - even in many cases where the pain was deep and lasting. In many of those cases, someone was acting in a way that they felt was "right" or "necessary" - or it simply had been drilled into them over their own lifetime. In many other cases, the person actually is totally unaware of the pain or harm they caused. I can NEVER know exactly and comprehensively why someone acts as they do, so I simply can't judge or condemn THEM - even when I am required to judge and even condemn their actions.
6) Many bad things are the choice of the lesser of two evils - or, at the very least, not a choice of one obvious good and one obvious bad.
7) Finally, time and distance can bring healing, but, conversely, time and distance also can distort and push toward extremes - to the end results of both condemnation and denial. Therefore, healing is most likely when initiated as early as possible after the original harm. Festering emotional and spiritual wounds are no different than festering physical wounds in that regard. If left untreated, they will become cancerous.
Total objectivity ultimately is impossible, but attempted objectivity is important.
The Shining Heart: Chapter 5
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