Remebering the One Bad Over the Seven Good: or, Impeding Practical Charity

In psychology, an accepted truism is that it takes only one bad experience to outweigh about seven good experiences in the typical human memory. It's important to keep that in mind - that I, you, a bishop, a RS Pres, a Prophet, an apostle, whoever might make only one "mistake" in every eight things s/he does and says, but it is that one mistake that tends to be remembered as the example of the person or organization.

In my experiences, there aren't very many people who make only one mistake every eight things they say or do. I know I say things not quite the way I wish I would have more often than that. All I can do is hope that others are charitable and try to understand my heart - and make sure I offer that same attitude to others. It's the only way to lasting happiness I have found - real charity, not the mutated type that most people understand.

The Change at Which I Hinted Last Weekend: or, A New Adventure Begins

Everything is official and public now, so I can explain my post last Saturday in more detail here.

For the past two-and-a-half years, I have been an Admission Counselor at Culver-Stockton College - a wonderful, small, liberal arts college in Missouri.  My main responsibility has been recruiting students, but I also have functioned officially this past year as the Student Admission Assistants Supervisor, the Fine Arts Liaison, the e-communications Coordinator and the office's Lead Editor / Writer.  I essentially took over the duties of our former Associate Director of Admission when he left almost exactly a year ago, as well as those I had been performing previously.

I began looking for another job in earnest a few months ago, due to circumstances beyond my control.  There were a few positions that looked promising, but slightly more than a month ago I came across one that really jumped out at me - one that felt "right" from the moment I saw the listing and then communicated for the first time with the Director of Admissions.  I went through the application and interview process, and, a week ago yesterday, I was offered the job.  My last day in the office here at Culver-Stockton College will be two weeks from yesterday (Feb. 10th) - and I officially will start as the new Assistant Director of Admissions at Sierra Nevada College in Incline Village, Nevada on Feb. 20th.  (Incline Village is on the northeast shore of Lake Tahoe.  I know: Poor me!  lol)  We will live in Carson City - about 25 miles from the campus. 

Sierra Nevada College is another small, liberal arts college - a little smaller than C-SC, actually.  It has two athletic teams - national championship level Skiing and Snowboarding.  It was founded in 1969 - quite recently compared to the colleges where I have attended and worked.  (Harvard has been around for-freaking-ever, and C-SC was established in 1853.)  I am excited to help SNC continue to grow and figure out exactly how to do so.  I love organizational change management, and I honestly hope I have found a place where I can drop roots and work until I retire.  Obviously, there are no guarantees, but I am looking forward very much to this new opportunity.

I have loved my work, and I am so glad I made the career change that put me in college admissions.  I am grateful to Culver-Stockton College for allowing it to happen.  I am more than just grateful for the reasons we can see in hindsight for being here.  Our second son met his fiance specifically because of this move.  (Serendipitously, she was the first student I recruited who committed to attend C-SC, and I couldn't have imagined at the time that they would end up together.)  Our oldest son transferred to C-SC this past fall, and he absolutely loves the English & Theater Education programs and the friends he has made.  We met some incredible friends, and we were able to hold Seminary in our home - which has been a tremendous blessing for our daughters and the friend who attended, as well.  We have made wonderful friends, and I will be grateful always to C-SC for making it all happen.  Leaving is bittersweet in some ways, but I know we are supposed to be in Carson City as soon as the school year ends in a few months.

Due to the move and beginning a new job, my blogging time will be more limited than it has been over the past couple of years.  I am working to make sure I have the daily posts written and scheduled in such a way that they will continue to appear daily, but, as I said last week, my weekend resolution posts might suffer occasionally - or even more than occasionally for a while.

I want to end this post by thanking everyone who reads this blog and those who comment regularly and occasionally.  It has meant the world to me, and I just need to say that publicly and formally.

So, thank you - from the bottom of my heart. If any of you are in the Lake Tahoe area at any point, remember that our house has been know as Hotel DeGraw for a long time.  It always will be open to anyone who wants to spend a night or two (or those who need to spend a month or twelve - *wink*). 

God truly is good and mindful of our existence.  I don't believe He directs every aspect of our lives, but I know he is willing to put choices in our paths that can lead to great happiness and growth.  I believe it is up to us to strive to recognize them when they appear in our paths, and I am thankful for the times when I believe we have been able to do so in our own lives.  I have no idea how many times I have not recognized them, but I don't worry or dwell on that - since I am content and happy with my life as it is now.

Principles vs. Details: The Difference is Important, Especially When Teaching Children

Consider this from Joseph Smith:

I teach them correct PRINCIPLES, and they govern themselves.

Obviously, kids at various ages are more or less able to "govern themselves" properly, but the point is that he said "principles" - NOT "details" or "facts".

When I talk with my kids, I let them know that I am willing to accept as possible LOTS of different details or facts or perspectives - as long as they don't violate basic principles in which I believe passionately. I have found no real issues where I have a major problem with the PRINCIPLES that I believe form the actual core of "Mormonism" / "The Restored Gospel". It's the extrapolated details and opinions and perspectives with which I sometimes disagree.
 
That's fine, but I make sure I try to embed the idea of distinguishing between principles and details with my kids - since it is the confusing of the two that I believe causes so much heartache and so many problems for people and for the Church.

Preaching the Ideal Is Important - but It Cuts Like a Knife Sometimes for Those Living Far from the Ideal

All Imperfect - Tracy M. (By Common Consent)

"Synagogue" - Apparent Anachronisms Aren't Always Anachronisms

I have heard people state that the use of certain words in the Book of Mormon are anachronistic and, therefore, proof that the book isn't what Joseph claimed it to be.  One of those words is "synagogue" - since that particular word was not coined until after the time period discussed in the Book of Mormon. 

Nearly all of these charges are non-starters for me, for a very simple reason - and I will use "synagogue" as my primary example in this post:

"Synagogue" was the word Joseph knew to use for a place where Jews met to worship. It's probably the only word in his vocabulary that corresponded to that concept. In other words, there probably wasn't any other choice for him.
Given his own description of the translation / transmission process, when his available vocabulary is taken into consideration, many of these issues disappear for me.

There Is No "Law of Justice"

A friend of mine once wrote the following incredibly profound comment in a discussion of Love, Justice and Mercy:

There is no law of justice.

This is a misnomer that does not appear in the text of scriptures anywhere. There are rights of mercy and demands of justice. God must respect the demands of justice or He would cease to be God. The rights of mercy must be claimed by one who can exercise them to overpower justice.

So, the real questions are:

a) Who demands justice?

b) Who claims mercy?

c) How does mercy overpower but not rob justice?

The answers to those questions are written throughout the scriptures and even more plainly in the writings of Joseph Smith.

a) Satan, the accuser of his brethren (Revelations) and each of us when we refuse to forgive those who've offended us and when we refuse to forgive ourselves

b) Christ (Moroni 7:27)

c) Consider the account of the woman taken in adultery. A sinless intermediary pleads for mercy on behalf of the guilty. Because this intermediary willingly bore the infinite and eternal anguish of injustice for us, we who have a right to demand justice are shamed by His gracious and merciful forgiveness into laying down our own stones. We refuse to accuse our brethren and the breach between us is healed through the pure love of Christ. We are reconciled to each other and it changes our nature such that we can become reconciled to God. This is why only the merciful can receive mercy.

Joseph Smith taught that "if we do not accuse each other, God will not accuse [us]" and that "if a man has no accusers he will enter heaven".

Longer answer:

All of this becomes clear when you remember that God is primarily the great parent of the universe. Would your children continue to honor you, respect you, and love you if you treated them with favoritism and injustice? You would cease to have an uncompelled dominion (d&c121) - they would not choose to follow after you. You must respect their need for justice. If one comes to you with a complaint against another, you must address it fairly.

Now imagine that your oldest child willingly accepts the punishment for your second child every time that second child misbehaves. The second child comes to you with a complaint against the third child. Your oldest comes between the two younger children and implores the second child, for whom he has willingly and selflessly suffered, to forgive the younger child. Your second child, seeing that his older brother loves the youngest child also, and feeling the love his older brother has shown him already, albeit undeserved, relinquishes his right to just recompense in favor of saving the youngest child.

Justice can't be robbed. It must be willingly abdicated.

Communal Salvation and "Restoration" of What Never Has Been

I believe passionately in the concept of communal salvation - that they without us and we without them cannot be made perfect (whole, complete, fully developed). I really dislike the idea that our eternal end is purely a personal pursuit. It justifies WAY too much arrogance and condescension and neglect - and even blatant abuse and disregard.



I believe in organized religion, since I believe in interpersonal sociality and cooperative progression. I believe ALL organizations must be open to modification and reformation and periodic restoration - but I also believe "restoration" is just as much about forward-looking growth and building as it is about backward-looking re-institutionalization. I believe in "restoring" wholeness and harmony - even if that wholeness and harmony never really existed in acutal mortal history.


I like the use of "restored" in Alma when referring to the resurrection, since, if you think about it, that "restoration" is to a state in which we've never lived previously. It really is a paradigm shift, but I think it's an important one.

God is Good - and Life Is a Fascinating Roller Coaster

I am not writing my regular New Year's Resolution post tonight.  I have been contemplating the topic I intended to address all week, but my life just took a sudden and dramatic turn - and I am going to be scrambling for the next few weeks to get everything in order.  Thus, while I will continue to write my regular weekday posts and, hopefully, my New Year's Resolution posts as frequently as possible, I might end up being a bit sporadic with those weekend posts for a little while. 

I will share more details soon, but, for now, it will have to suffice to say simply that God is good, mindful of our existence and aware of the overall paths of our lives.  I am blessed - far more than I deserve (and I mean that seriously), and, in the general spirit of contemplating God for my New Year's Resolution, I simply will acknowledge my faith in his love and grace as my life takes this particular turn. 

How I Now Approach the Temple Endowment

I've gone to the temple and experienced the endowment enough that I rarely pay close attention anymore to the words. Rather, I wait for a thought to strike me and then contemplate it for as long as it takes to feel satisfied. I then repeat that until the time runs out.

I've had some AMAZING experiences in the temple, but most of them have come from letting the communal ceremony happen around me and letting my own thoughts "be still" and contemplate the whisperings of the Spirit to ME as an individual. My body is there, symbolically with the group, but my mind is wandering the heavens, if you will.

"and I will give you rest": The Deeper Meaning of "Rest" in Matthew 11:28-30

a brief thought on Matthew 11:28-30 - Bruce Webster (Adventures in Mormonism)