Church Programs: Necessary Crutches, Not Divine Ideals

A friend whom I respect greatly was talking with me about Home and Visiting Teaching recently, and she said something that I want to share here.  It's not new or uniquely profound, but it is powerful, nonetheless. 

My thinking is that if we lived as we ought, we wouldn't need a program to look after one another.

I usually tell a story to illustrate the point. My sister-in-law had three little girls when her fourth was born with down's syndrome. There was no forewarning of the abnormality and she found out when the nurse laid the baby in her arms. It was a shock that began a period of constant adversity. Unlike her other children, this newborn would not sleep. She had trouble feeding. She cried almost round the clock for the entire first year. One morning, as my sister-in-law sat in her pajamas crying because she had reached her wit's end, the phone rang. A sweet voice on the other end said, your name came to me when I prayed today. How can I help you? And help she did. She swooped in and gave my sister-in-law a much needed reprieve. No formal calling necessary.

And one from my own life. Our family was going through a soul-crushing period of adversity. I was home with our children. My husband was away. I was at my breaking point. It was Monday evening and I was skyping my sister. Feeling utterly alone and abandoned by God, my feelings spilled out as I tearfully wrote, "I give up. I don't think God even knows my address anymore." I signed off to go downstairs and make dinner for the children. As I exited Skype the doorbell rang. It was my bishop. "I had a feeling as I was leaving work that I needed to stop by tonight. Is that okay? My family is out of town. Can I have Family Home Evening with you? I brought ice cream." He held out the carton and I smiled wryly at God's impeccable sense of timing. He didn't just know my address, He knew my broken heart. This good brother had a calling but that's not how he ended up at my door. This was the most humble, genuinely charitable, and concerned bishop I've ever known.

I wish I were half as inspired. I need a program, like a crutch, to keep me upright and moving forward. But I hope I never make the mistake of confusing the hobbling I do aided by a poor prosthetic with running full speed with two good legs to be the Lord's hand and feet in this world.

Our programs are so much less than our potential.

Home Teaching: Principle vs. Program

I love the principle of Home Teaching, even if the implementation of it into a program gets messed up too often.

I love the idea of helping each other, and I know of many situations where a loving person outside the family was just what someone in the family needed to survive a rough stretch. Also, when done properly, it can be a godsend for single mothers with boys, especially. I like the concept of "it takes a village", and I don't want to try to raise my kids in isolation from other caring adults.

I think the reason Home Teaching doesn't resonate with some people (or even is a negative thing) has much more to do with formulaic, ineffective and/or offensive implementation and other church time demands on families than with the ideal it represents. I think if it was done regularly the way it is supposed to be done (at least, the way it was envisioned originally), there would be few if any people who would have problems with it.

In the name of full disclosure, I say that as someone who has not been a good Home Teacher over the years.

Home and Visiting Teaching: Focusing on People Is Harder than Focusing on Numbers

Some people want to be contacted regularly by Home and/or Visiting Teachers, and they get upset that people don't visit enough; other people are more independent, want to be left alone and get upset that people keep trying to visit them. The "proper" solution varies by individual (to visit or not visit - and how often to visit), but that's almost impossible to analyze quickly, so the "easy" way is to lump everyone together into one category - the "must-be-visited-exactly-once-a-month group".

The proper solution, ironically, already exists in the Church - Personal Priesthood Interviews (PPI's) and the Relief Society version. (I prefer "Personal Stewardship Interviews" - since that term can apply to anyone, male or female.)  When done correctly, they don't focus on numbers but rather actual people - and HT and VT can be adjusted and adapted accordingly.
 
That's just much harder to do than focusing on the numbers.

Are Home Teaching and Visiting Teaching Effective - or Even Necessary?

For those who don't need regular visits, the HT/VT program isn't effective. However, for those who do need it, it can be a life-saver - especially for those in places where fellow members don't live close and for those who tend to slip through the cracks without assignment. In my opinion, it's not the program in and of itself that is the problem; it's the way it is run by too many members and local leaders. I believe the program is inspired - but too often the implentation is not.

I really do believe it is inspired, but it would be totally redundant and unnecessary if we loved and served each other as we should. In Zion, caring for others would happen without assignment. Until that day, I want HT/VT to continue - with some out-of-the-box, fresh thinking and implementation.

Honor Their Wishes. Don't Visit Them.

I was asked once by some ward leaders how they should react to those who request that they not be contacted. My response was simple:

"Honor their wishes. Do not contact them. Send a note to them every 6-12 months asking if they still want to be left alone, and honor whatever their answer is. If they request that their names be removed, take is as your responsibility to see that they are removed. They are adults and responsible for their own interactions with God. Let them make those decisions for themselves."

One of the most ironic things I can imagine is that when those who are assigned to Home Teachers request that they not be contacted, performing Home Teaching according to the PRINCIPLE of Home Teaching (being willing to do whatever your assigned families want of you) means that you not contact them. That's extremely easy to forget.