A Beautiful Article That Explains Why I Reject the Prosperity Gospel re: Individuals

"Death, the Prosperity Gospel and Me"  (Kate Bowler, The New York Times)

A Tribute to My Mother (and Father) on Her Passing

My mom passed away on Monday. It was completely unexpected, and nobody knows exactly why it happened. She had said recently that she wanted to be with Dad again, and we choose to believe her sincere wish was granted. 

On this day of thanksgiving, I am most grateful at this moment for parents who loved me - truly loved the unique person I was - and allowed me to be different - and treasured me for that difference.

I am grateful for six children who allowed me to try to emulate my parents' loving acceptance - even when their unique differences occasionally challenged my determination to do so.

I am grateful to have been raised with the idea that families are forever, literally. I don't know why I was and am blessed to be a part of such a wonderfully unique family, but I thank God for it. My parents were ordinary heroes, and I will treasure my association with them forever.

I am thankful, deeply, that my mother has been allowed to receive her fondest desire - to be with my father again. God bless you, Mom and Dad. Save a place for all of us. 

I wrote her obituary yesterday and share it here for my children to be able to remember their heritage: 

Nora Jane Westover DeGraw, of Ada, OK, passed from this mortal life to the next on November 23, 2015 of natural causes incident to age.  She was 75 years old.  

Nora was born on October 28, 1940 in Joseph City, Arizona to Lloyd Westover and Laura Hudson.  She was the fifth of six children.  She attended school in Santaquin and Payson, Utah, graduating from Payson High School.  She married her sweetheart, Curtis Lamar DeGraw, on March 29, 1961 in the Salt Lake City LDS temple.  Together, they raised eight children (losing one daughter to a stillbirth) in a home full of love and the gospel of Jesus Christ, later serving as a missionary couple in South Carolina. 

Prior to their marriage, Nora worked as a secretary on the staff of David O. McKay, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After their marriage, she dedicated her life to raising their children, returning to part-time work as a secretary at the Santaquin Elementary School after their youngest child started school. Her typing and shorthand skills were legendary. She lived most of her life in Santaquin, Utah – with a few years near the beginning of her marriage in Salt Lake City and the last five years in Ada, OK, living near a son and daughter and their families. 

Nora was a naturally spiritual person, whose smile lit up the world around her and whose tears were harder on her children than any punishment. She was small in stature, but she had the largest heart possible. She was known by all as one of the kindest, sweetest, most gentle people on this earth; nobody ever heard her raise her voice in anger or frustration, and she was never known to criticize others. Her optimistic, loving, accepting personality was a beacon to her family, their eventual spouses, her extended family and friends, and everyone with whom she associated. She loved her family, her religion, her friends, music (an accomplished pianist), reading (especially next to the heating vent under the kitchen desk during the winter in her Santaquin home), getting to know, appreciate and love others, and, most of all, her husband – her eternal companion.  She loved him truly, deeply and exclusively.  They were married for 52 years and were a testament to the power of complete love and fidelity.  Her greatest wish after his passing two years ago was to be with him once more, but she was willing to wait on the Lord’s timing for that glorious reunion.

At this time of thanksgiving, her family is grateful to have been a central part of her life. We miss her, but we are thankful that God saw fit to answer the prayer of one of His elect daughters and allow her to join Curtis, their daughter, Lorna Sue, and all of her departed relatives and friends. We can see our father greeting her on the other side of the veil, then waiting patiently, with a loving grin, as she greeted and hugged every person she ever knew and loved. Truly, we come from a long line of love, and we honor our parents for the incredible examples of Christ-like love they gave us.

Nora is survived by three siblings, eight children, thirty-six grandchildren and eighteen great-grandchildren.  She was preceded in death by her parents, two siblings, a daughter and a grandchild. 

As was the case when Curtis passed away, his family asks that each person who knew and loved Nora renew an individual commitment to love and serve others – that all who wish to honor her do so by accepting and internalizing the Savior’s words:

“As I have loved you, love one another.” 

 
She would prefer to be honored by what we do, how we live, and who we become more than by anything we might say.  In particular, she would want everyone to fill their homes with smiles and good music – the universal languages of love.

Sunday School Lesson Recap: Student Questions and Answers Regarding the Plan of Salvation

Last Sunday, I wrote on the chalkboard the various elements that get outlined when we draw the classic map of the Plan of Salvation:

Pre-existence, veil of forgetfulness, creation, Garden of Eden, The Fall, birth, mortality, agency, death, The Spirit World, Judgment, Resurrection, Exaltation.

I told the students we had discussed the Plan of Salvation last February and this month in a lot of detail, from multiple angles, so today I had no prepared lesson plan and, instead, was opening up the entire class time to any questions they had about any of the topics on the board. I told them that they had heard "lessons" about this topic all their lives, so today was going to be nothing more than a free-flowing discussion about possible ways to answer any questions they have.

It was good for them to hear how many of their questions were answered first with, "We don't know, but . . ."

I can't recreate all of the conversations we had, but the following is a list of the questions they asked - and a summary of some things I want to highlight for this forum:

1) The veil of forgetfulness = Is it complete immediately at birth, or does it fade gradually?

We also talked about how some people simply are more spiritually inclined than others - like my wife's experience seeing and feeling her recently deceased father in the temple a couple of days ago, while I got no inkling of it whatsoever.

2) Near death experiences = Are they real?

Why can people remember what happened after they "died" but not what happened before they were born - if the veil is allowed to stay open for one experience, why is it still closed to the other experience?

3) Garden of Eden = Why did God create a mortal world and then place immortal Adam and Eve in it? How could immortal beings live in a mortal world?

We talked about multiple interpretations of the Garden narrative. It led to the next four questions.

4) How old is the Earth?

We talked about differing views of the age of the Earth, then we talked about how our teachings on the subject don't need to conflict with settled science. We also talked about how religion too often has been used as a club against science (with specific examples of the shape of the Earth and the rotation pattern of the solar system based on readings of the Bible) and how we can't let ourselves fall into that trap as further light and knowledge is revealed through scientific discovery. I told them that I view scientific discovery as revelation in every important way, since it uncovers what previously was unknown - the classic definition of revelation.

5) Where was the Garden of Eden, and how long were Adam and Eve in it - if it was a literal place on Earth?

The summary: "We don't know, but here are some opinions."

6) How do we view dinosaur bones? (The student had heard the idea of them being transplanted from a different world.)

See the summary of #4.

7) Was the material used to create the Earth already there, or was it brought from somewhere else?

We talked about the nature of matter according to Mormon theology, our rejection of ex nihilo creation and the visual presentation in the temple. ("Here is matter unorganized. Let us take it . . . the other worlds . . .")

8) When we say we can become like God, do we mean that we can become like Heavenly Father - or is Heavenly Father like the ultimate God who is different than and superior to all other Gods?

We only had about two minutes left in the class, so I told the students we would tackle that question and any others they have next week.

Sunday School Lesson Recap: We All Have Been Saved Already

Today, we talked about the traditional, Primary / Sunday School answer to the question:

"Why do we come to earth, and what are the consequences that need to be overcome?"

I asked the questions and asked for "the standard, Primary answers". They came up with: to be tried, to gain a physical body, to learn to repent, to progress, etc. - and, for the second part of the question, physical and spiritual death. We then focused on the concepts of physical and spiritual death - what they mean in practical terms and how the scriptures talk about them.

To discuss physical death (and to get to the heart of it within Mormon theology), we read 1 Corinthians 15:1-29, verse-by-verse. I started by explaining Paul's background (when he was Saul, the high-ranking agent of the Sanhedrin), in order to make sure they understood that Paul had been highly-educated in the law - that he was, in practical terms, like Elder Oaks now. Thus, like Elder Oaks, he often spoke in legalistic terms - since that was how he was trained and how he thought. I wanted them to understand the structure of the chapter we were going to read - how Paul's treatise about the resurrection basically was like a courtroom "defense" of the concept and precisely what he said about "salvation from physical death".

I'm going to quote almost the entire passage, with snippets of the conversation, just to present the general flow of the discussion:

(1-3) Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;by which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain. For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;

Paul starts his discourse on the resurrection by reminding the members of the Church that he preached and scripture recorded, and they accepted, the idea that Jesus died for our sins. Thus, he started with the concept of redemption from spiritual death - but then he quickly shifted to the resurrection.

(4-8) And that he was buried, and that he arose again the third day according to the scriptures: and that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve: after that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep. After that, he was seen of James; then of all the apostles. And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.

He then cites witnesses to the resurrection - six appearances in all. He does this, again, in order to cover the classic legal requirement of having witnesses to a claim. (I didn't mention this in the class, simply because I didn't think of it at the time, but, for this forum, it is interesting that Paul included his own "vision" in the list that otherwise would be interpreted as visitations. He didn't distinguish in the epistle between those different types of "appearances".)

(9-11) For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. Therefore whether it were I or they, so we preach, and so ye believed.

Paul then re-established that the people who were receiving his epistle had believed what he and the others had preached about the resurrection. It was, again, a legal argument saying, essentially, "This is not new to you. At one point, every one of you accepted and believed this."

(12) Now if Christ be preached that he rose from the dead, how say some among you that there is no resurrection of the dead?

This verse says quite clearly that Paul was writing this chapter as a direct response to member of the early Christian Church who had started to reject the resurrection (as "physical" in nature), re-igniting the previous division that had existed within Judaism between the Sadducees and Pharisees regarding resurrection. That is important to understand, since there are two capstone verses that only can be understood properly if the intended audience is understood properly.

(13-15) But if there be no resurrection of the dead, then is Christ not risen: and if Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain. Yea, and we are found false witnesses of God; because we have testified of God that he raised up Christ: whom he raised not up, if so be that the dead rise not.

Here, Paul places his own character and that of the other witnesses at the center of the question of whether or not a resurrection occurred - and he says, flat-out, that Christianity is useless / ineffectual ("vain") without the foundation of a resurrection that had been witnessed by lots of people.

(16-18) For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised: and if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins. Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.

This is a repeat or extension of the previous verses, but it sets the stage for his first capstone statement:

(19) If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.

I asked the students what this verse means - how they would rephrase it in their own terminology. One of the students said, "If we stop believing in Christ, we will be miserable." I told him that I have heard that translation a lot, but that it wasn't quite what Paul was saying. (He's a great kid, so he didn't take offense at being told he was wrong - and I have done that in more than one lesson in the past, so they are used to it.) They read it again, and someone phrased it correctly as, "If our hope in Christ is confined to this life and has no real effect in the next life, we are more miserable than anyone else."

We then talked about why that would be - and they quickly understood that it is because of all the requirements involved in accepting Jesus and living as he told his disciples to live. We talked a little about what that entailed back then (which, in many ways, was a lot more than now, as much as we tend to feel restricted now), then we talked about what that entails now. After about ten things were listed as examples of things they do that they wouldn't do if they were believing Christian-Mormons, we all grinned and agreed that we could keep adding to the list for a long time. I repeated something the High Councilor had said in Sacrament Meeting - that we need to use common sense in how we dedicate time to our callings, since "the Church can take all of our time if we let it" - and that we can't neglect our family in performing our callings, since "the family is #1 in our lives, not the Church".

Verse 19 is the first "summation statement" in chapter 15. It is the end of Paul's first point - that the resurrection is central to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and warrants the sacrifices required of the early members at that time.

He then moved to the scope of the resurrection - the extent of salvation from physical death.

(20-22) But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept. For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.

I asked the students who, according to these verses, is resurrected. They saw immediately that every person who has been born is said to be resurrected. One of them asked an interesting question: "How do other denominations interpret verse 22? I don't see how they can read it any differently than that." I told him that most people tend to interpret scriptures based on what they believe, not based on what the scriptures actually say - especially when what they say is different than what they have been taught. I told them that trying to understand scriptures as they are, not as we want them to be, is an important effort - and I told them again that making that effort has led me to interpret some passages and verses differently even than many other members of the LDS Church.

I then rephrased the answer to: "Everyone who is born already has been saved - from physical death." Based on that idea, I told them that I hope they never argue with anyone who claims to have been saved. Based on what most of them believe about the next life, they are right; they have been saved, just like all of them and I already have been saved. I told them that it's important to understand where others are correct and not accuse them of being incorrect in those instances. I told them that if anyone ever asks them if they have been saved to answer confidently, "Yes, I have been saved, just like you have been saved - at the moment we chose to follow Jesus." If they want to hear more (if the answer shocks them enough to ask), more can be shared; if not, the potential confrontation has been avoided.

Verses 23-28 are simply more "detail" about the resurrection and don't add anything unique to the discussion that I wanted to address, so I said it that way and we moved to verse 29.

(29) Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?

This is Paul's second capstone argument - focusing on the "proof" that the early Christian leaders and members really did believe what they taught about the resurrection. If reworded to make it easier to understand, it might read:

Why are people being baptized for the dead if they aren't going to be resurrected? (If there is no post-mortal life, of if the next life is nothing more than a spiritual continuation, why would we be baptized for them?

This rhetorical question is worded in such a way, in context of the entire chapter, as the clinching argument that ALL who are born will be resurrected - since it places them ALL under the requirement of the law to be baptized. Again, performing baptisms for the dead proved that the people involved really believed what the leaders taught - that salvation from physical death really is universal.

I looked at the person who asked the question about how others view verse 22 and told him that I have heard verse 29 explained away as Paul condemning a practice of the time by an apostate group - but I told them that such an interpretation simply makes no sense as worded or in the context of the entire chapter. Conversely, as a summation of a legal argument about the centrality and universality of the resurrection, it makes perfect sense.

Since this already is a long summary, I will hit only two things about the rest of the lesson:

1) We talked about agency as the central aspect of salvation from spiritual death - and how, in traditional Mormon theology, all but very few people who are resurrected will inherit a degree of glory and live forever in the presence of "God" (or, to be more precise, to be able to exist in the presence of a member of the Godhead).

2) We talked again about how important it is for each of them to act according to the dictates of their own consciences and become unique individuals - not carbon copies of someone else. I told them about Steven Peck's book, "A Short Stay in Hell", in which a man goes to a place where everyone is exactly like him and thinks, for a short time, that he is in Heaven - only to realize exact sameness is Hell. (Steven is a Biology professor at BYU and a phenomenal writer. I recommend this book highly to everyone here.) I recommended that book to them, and told them that lack of progress, lack of action, lack of purpose other than praising God constantly, and never-ending sameness would be Hell for me.

My Father Passed Away This Morning: A Tribute

Almost six years ago, I wrote a post as a tribute to my father.  Today, almost exactly an hour after hearing of his passing, I am reposting it - with an edit in the final paragraph and an additional comment at the end.

The world lost an amazing man today - one who will not show up in any history text book and would not be counted as a hero according to worldly standards, but one who was as close to a perfect example of loving sacrifice and pure love of another (my mother) as anyone I have known - ever. 

I am happy for him today, since he has wanted to go for a couple of months now, but I grieve and mourn the loss of a wonderful man.  In a blessing I was able to give him about three weeks ago, he was released from the responsibilities of this world - and I know he is happy where he is now - even as I am certain he is sitting on the other side anxiously awaiting his reunion with his eternal sweetheart.

The following is my more formal tribute: 

My father called this morning to tell me and my wife that my niece had just died. My sister had taken in three cats very recently, and my niece - a physically healthy young woman - had a severe allergic reaction while playing with them. She passed away before the doctors at the hospital could restart her breathing.

(Apparently, I have a nephew and a brother - two different families, as well as one of my own sons - who have had allergic reactions to cats, but they weren’t serious enough to raise concerns among the family.)

My father’s words to us were concise. He is not given to emotional displays, and his natural stoicism was evident in his call. He said two things: “Treasure your children every day of your lives,” and “Keep animals out of your house.” I was struck by how this conversation with my father encapsulated him so perfectly. To understand this, you need to know my father.

My mom has a rare form of schizophrenia. My father was unaware of this, as was everyone else (including my mother), when they got married. He found out after the birth of my sisters (twins), when she was overwhelmed and her mind wouldn’t shut down and allow her to sleep. She had what was termed a nervous breakdown, which led to her clinical diagnosis.

From that moment forward, my dad shielded my mom from every care of the world so her condition would stay in remission, if you will. By all practical measures, he became my father and my mother. My mom wanted more children, so he agreed - knowing that meant his responsibilities would increase accordingly. He shouldered all of the financial, household, emotional, physical, disciplinary, organizational, educational, etc. responsibilities for his family and allowed his wife to be seen by the community as the incredibly spiritual woman we knew as our mother - a modern Mormon saint. People in town admired his work ethic, but they never realized what he was doing behind our doors - because he never once mentioned it in any way to anyone. He didn’t want others to view his wife as anyone other than the sweet angel he had married - to do anything that would lessen her in others’ eyes in a time when mental illness was not understood.

Until her first breakdown, my father served in various leadership positions in the Church. After that, he waited nearly 30 years to serve in another position that required he spend significant time away from home - until his children were gone and my mom could function without the stress associated with raising them. He left an extremely well paying job with incredible advancement opportunities to go back to the small town where my mom was raised, simply to ease her stress and allow her to function normally. He became an elementary school janitor, took a 50% pay cut and focused on loving and serving his kids - both at home and at his school.

Not holding a high profile church position, he came to be known in town as a salt-of-the-earth farm boy - a good man, but certainly not a leader. I bought into that perception until my mother’s second breakdown a few years ago, when her “sleeping pills” stopped working and her whole personality changed. It was only after this experience that I finally saw my father for what he is - as close an example of the Savior’s single-minded dedication to service and family as anyone I have ever known.

Why do I share all of this when it is my niece’s death that rocked our family’s world this morning? It is because my father was able to sum up the situation for his family in such a beautifully concise way. He has a rock-solid testimony of the Plan of Salvation - that he and my sister will see their (grand)daughter again. It is such a given for him that he never even thought to mention it. He knew it; he knew we knew it; it never crossed his mind to address it. Instead, just as he always has, he saw the big picture and acted as both mother and father to his family - giving us two beautifully balanced bits of wisdom - one spiritual that applies to all and one practical that applies directly to his own children. Therefore, I pass them on to you - knowing the second one will have to be adapted to whatever dangers threaten your own children’s well-being - physically or spiritually.

“Treasure your children (and parents) every day of your life,” 

and

“Keep (serious dangers to your children) out of your house.” 

---------------------------------------------------------------

In the words of Dan Fogelberg,

"I am a living legacy to the leader of the band." 

I hope and pray when I join him, eventually, I will have been a legacy of which he was proud.  

[Note: After I wrote the initial post, I was given additional information about the cause of my niece's death.  There were complicating factors beyond an allergic reaction, but they don't change my tribute to my father in any way.] 

Time Away This Week: My Dad Is Dying

My father has reached the point in his life where he is ready to die.

He has taken care of my mom, under difficult circumstances for decades, and he knows she will be okay now - that my brother and his wife will take over her care. He is extremely tired, having lived, in practical terms, many years beyond his age. (If you want to read a tribute I wrote about him six years ago, the link is: "My Niece Died This Morning") He has stopped taking his medication and stopped eating and drinking. He might pass away this week, or it might take a little longer - depending on if he decides to eat or drink a little occasionally.

My father is one of the most Christ-like people I know in following the injunction:

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for a friend."  

As I wrote in the post linked above, he literally laid down his own life to support my mother in her need - taking up a life he never imagined or desired when they were married.  I will honor him forever for that simple, loving action - even if it were the only reason to honor him, which it isn't.  

He is at peace with the decision, and my family is honoring his wishes. He says he wants to see my older sister, his parents and others who have passed on before him.

I am flying to Oklahoma tomorrow to be with him, my mom and my brother and sister who live near them. I will try to check in at night while I am gone, and I have written and scheduled posts for this week (and would appreciate comments on them), but I won't be able to comment much this week.

Wrap It Up Already! I'm Dead.

When it comes to the structure and "program" for a funeral, I want the wishes of the deceased and family to be honored. Period.

I mentioned in a post a couple of years ago, about the serving Bishop who died in our stake at that time, that I attended his funeral. It was exactly the standard Mormon funeral - with a eulogy, lots of beautiful music and a couple of talks about him and the Gospel he loved so dearly. It was exactly what he and his wife wanted, and it was intensely moving and beautiful - to a large degree because even the “gospel” talks were focused on Bishop Hazleton. Even they were personal in nature.

On the other hand, I have attended funerals that had the same format and that weren’t nearly as moving or beautiful. The talks were more like regular church talks - having little or nothing to do with the person - and sometimes not what the deceased would have wanted.

I have told my wife and children that I want to have a tape recorder placed in my coffin for the funeral. I want it set at the highest volume level possible and set to play my voice after one hour saying,

“STOP IT ALREADY!! IF THIS KEEPS GOING, ROLL ME OUT OF HERE AND THEN KEEP TALKING. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! THAT’S ENOUGH TALKING ABOUT ME AND CRYING. I MADE YOU LAUGH WHEN I WAS LIVING, SO GET INTO THE CULTURAL HALL AND PARTY!! TELL JOKES, ‘CAUSE YOU KNOW DARN WELL I’D BE TELLING THEM IF I WAS SITTING THERE WITH YOU (WITH MY WIFE PUNCHING ME IN THE ARM TO TRY TO GET ME TO STOP AND BE PROPERLY SOMBER). — I MEAN IT. WRAP IT UP ALREADY AND GO EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY!!”

I have NO expectation that my wife and/or children will follow those wishes, but that would be my ideal funeral - a heartfelt eulogy by a friend or family member and lots and lots of great music and dancing and eating - a real party. I want to be celebrated, not mourned . . . but that’s not my call, ultimately.

In the end, I want my wife and/or children to construct whatever arrangement will be best for them - that will bring them the greatest degree of peace.

1955 - 2009: Prioritizing the Dash

I wrote Saturday about the death of Denny Hazelton, a Bishop in our stake. (A Good Man Gone: Finding Peace) The following poem, "The Dash", by Linda Ellis (edited slightly, 'cause this is my blog - and I just can't help it), was included in his funeral program, and I want to share it with everyone here:

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on a tombstone - from the beginning to the end.
He noted that first came the date of one's birth and spoke of the next date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between the years -
For that dash represented the time his friend spent alive here on Earth,
And now only those who love him know what that little line is worth.

It matters not how much we own: the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard. Are there things you'd like to change?
You never know how much time is left that still can be arranged.
If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real -
and always try to understand the way other people feel -
and be less quick to anger - and show appreciation more -
and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

We should treat each other with deeper respect and more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash might only last for a while.

So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life's actions rehashed,
Would you be pleased with the things that are said about how you spent your dash?

May we look back on life and be happy about how we spent our dash - and may our loved ones, in particular, and the world, in general, be better for it.

Good Man Gone: Finding Peace

The second part of my New Year's Resolution for this month is from Matthew 6:19-23:

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.

23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!

I could never have imagined at the beginning of the year when I made this resolution how appropriate it would be today as I write about this portion of it.

Yesterday, I attended the viewing of a man in our stake who died of an unexpected heart attack. He was in his early 50's, had just been to the doctor and been pronounced fit as a fiddle, was losing weight and feeling great.

He was the Bishop of his ward, and I had been the High Council adviser for his ward when I first was called to my current calling. He was a wonderful, humble, caring, kind man.

His wife had been cancer free for just over a year. During her treatment, while he served faithfully as a Bishop, their ward rallied around them in wonderful ways, giving incredible love and service and strength to both of them in their trial. Everyone had become reconciled to the possibility of her death, so his was a true shock. His son flew home for the weekend, after which he will return to finish his mission. In the words of our Stake President, "None of them would have it any other way." I spoke with his wife briefly at the viewing yesterday, and something she said has been weighing on my mind ever since. She said, essentially:

He lost his mother about six weeks ago, and his aunt passed away five days later. We had reached peace with death and were focused on life. I know it will be hard in a couple of weeks when everyone gets back to their own lives and I am alone to deal with not having him here, but I believe in the Atonement, the Plan of Salvation and the promises of the temple. It will be hard, but I will be OK.

What I want to share from this experience is not related directly to those things she mentioned at the end (the Atonement, Plan and temples), but something else that she said at the beginning - being at peace.

As much as anything else, when I die I want to be at peace with death - but I also want to be at peace with my life. I don't want to be bitter or angry or upset before I die; I want to be at peace.

I believe that is up to me - that it is my responsibility. The natural man inclination is to blame others for our feelings - for whether or not we are at peace. I understand the necessity for anger, grief and/or cognitive dissonance when certainty is shattered, ambiguity accelerates and testimony is tried. I really do get that need. However, reconciliation of some kind that leads to peace and charity is critical.

I wish I had an easy answer. I wish I had a universal answer. The only answer I have is that there is peace in letting go - that there is peace in cutting others slack - there is peace in real charity - there is peace in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There isn't always peace in the human organizations in which that Gospel is interpreted and taught, just as there isn't always peace in even the most ideal families, but the peace the Gospel brings can influence and strengthen the peace that then can be brought individually into the Church - the community of spiritual family.

I hope I or my wife never has to deal with what this good Bishop's wife is experiencing right now and in the near future. I hope we die together, at a ripe old age. More than that, however, I hope that when either of us dies, the other is at peace - because she or I simply has become a peaceful person.

As I strive to be a peacemaker and, thereby, to be called a child of God, I understand that the first peace I must influence and create is within my own heart and soul - that I can't spread peace externally unless I am at peace internally. For those who now are not at peace, I hope they can look for peace even before understanding. That might seem counter-intuitive at first, but I believe peace can bring understanding - and that understanding, in and of itself, rarely brings peace - largely because the quest for understanding never ends. Peace, on the other hand, can last and endure even during circumstances that cannot be understood - like the unexpected death of a good Bishop.

God bless you, Denny. You will be missed.