By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In THESE sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. (Emphasis added) Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)
In this paragraph, I believe that the Proclamation fundamentally changes the discussion of "presiding" in the home - making that definition of "preside" different than the definition of "preside" that a Bishop does. I am fine with that, since we have multiple meanings for nearly all of our words in English - depending on the context. If we can have multiple meanings of many words, why can't that be valid for this word? When the Proclamation says that a man and wife are to be "equal partners", working together in their primary roles, I take that to mean exactly that - and I see it as an explicit change from the past.
I understand former statements (and even contemporary ones from individual leaders); I just don't give them the same weight as the signed statement of our modern, combined Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and First Presidency.
I take final responsibility for what my wife and I decide, but I NEVER play the "I preside, so this is how it is" card. It never crosses my mind - mostly because I like breathing and the attendant joys of true marital unity. (*grin*)
For example, when I say I take final responsibility, I simply mean that I am the one who usually says to our children, "Your mother and I have reached this decision, so I don't want to hear you whining about it, anymore, especially to her." They know that when WE reach the decision and I tell it to them (generally with Mama right next to me - and sometimes coming from her if I am not there to be with her), it is final - since we have spoken as one. If either of us has spoken independently, it isn't a final decision - even though they are expected to do what either of us says independently until we talk about it and address it together if they have a concern about what one of us has said. When we speak as one, it is final.
So, I "preside" - but it has no strength or power or efficacy without Mama's equal participation and partnership. It is very much a title of responsibility with little or no practical meaning in isolation. In other words, my presiding is a sub-set and function of our equality - something that is granted freely by my wife's participation and "help" every bit as much as it is a divine investiture - and that is of critical importance to me. We truly are equals, and my presiding doesn't change that one single bit.