As I contemplated how to frame my New Year's Resolution for this month ("Individual Accountability" as it relates to the 2nd Article of Faith), it hit me that my current employment situation has direct application to my resolution. That thought reinforced something I wrote way back when I first started making and writing about my New Year's Resolution structure - that "our Father in Heaven knows us better than we realize" - that sometimes we receive subtle clues that show us how inspiration can come in ways that are unrecognizable as such at the time - things that we chalk up as "good ideas" that "I had" but that, upon reflection, obviously came from outside ourselves. In this case, there is a parallel between the idea of being redeemed from the effects of those things we did not choose (more about that in my post next weekend) and only being "punished" for those things we consciously choose (or, as I will explain next weekend, "by" those things). For now, this weekend, I only want to make two simple points about accountability and my new job.
1) I felt strongly leading up to the offer I accepted that I should NOT accept a job offer just in order to leave the job I had. Rather, I felt strongly that I should accept an offer ONLY if it was for a position I really wanted - one that I felt was "the right one" at this time. What came to my mind was that I could not let myself make a decision that would constitute "being acted upon" (letting frustrations and other factors "push" me into a decision) but, instead, that I needed to be sure I was acting in such a way that I was being "an agent unto myself". The thought that hit me this week as I prepared to leave my job (yesterday) was that I needed to accept accountability for my decision, since it was something over which I had control - something that was not happening outside my own sphere of personal choice. I wasn't being fired or pressured to leave; I chose to do so. Therefore, no matter what happens in my new job, I can't blame anyone for it. The responsibility is mine and mine alone, in the sense that it is something I chose - willingly and intentionally.
The accompanying realization is that I, therefore, am responsible for making it be successful - that I must learn how to do so and then do so.
2) The second aspect of accountability as it relates to the 2nd Article of Faith is that I am taking with me the person I have become over the nearly three years I worked in the position I just left. Yes, there were influences throughout that time that were outside my control (especially in the beginning, when I was unaware of some serious political pressures and maneuvering that had a large impact on my first few months there), but I am, today, a creation of the past three years - and what I am able to accomplish in my new job will be influenced greatly by what I did and who I became in my old job.
In that sense, I am being "punished" and "rewarded" by myself - and that will be the focus of my New Year's Resolution post next weekend - assuming I arrive in Carson City early enough to write it.
(I am driving across the country next week, so I hope I will make good enough time to be there and settled into wherever I will be staying for the first few months with enough time to spare. Wish me luck!)
Eliza Ann Jane Durrance: “Not Excelled”
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