Charity As a Progressive Journey

Something struck me as I was contemplating the end of this month's resolution (to suffer more in kindness) and the beginning of next month's resolution (to envy less). I was trying to figure out if I would post more about suffering long in kindness or if I should shift to an initial examination of envying less. Suddenly, something struck me as I looked at how my resolution for the year was constructed - and I simply want to share it now, before I start to analyze the application of it each month.

Over the last two years, I have grown to understand that the Sermon on the Mount is a grand encapsulation of the journey to godliness and perfection - completion, wholeness and full development. It is a delineation of the central characteristics of godliness, but it also is an explanation of the process by which such characteristics are internalized in the process of becoming something more than our mortal natures - in the process of developing the proper eternal nature. (I wrote a post about this concept last June 27th entitled, "An Epiphany Regarding 'Ask, Seek, Find' - A Truly Beautiful Message".)

As I remembered this, and as I looked at my resolution for this year, it struck me that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is structured according to the same eternal round - that it also shows not only the central nature of godliness but also that it is arranged to show the practical process by which that nature can be internalized to make us Beings better than we naturally are. These verses are a ladder to Heaven, just as the Sermon on the Mount is that same ladder - built slightly differently, but "True" (pointed in the proper direction) in the same way.

As I continue to analyze these verses over the course of this year, I hope that the progressive nature of each manifestation is apparent - and I hope I remember to make that progression clear from one month to the next. The first step in explaining that progression is showing how suffering more in kindness leads to enying less, and I hope to make that connection clear by the end of next month.

Sinner: A Self-Perception

Matthew 9:12-13 includes: “They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick…I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Those who don’t see themselves as sick sinners have a hard time accepting the need for a real Redeemer;those who recognize their sickness and sins accept that need much more readily. In a very real and powerful way, how one views one's own sinfulness is every bit as imporant, if not more so, as how others view one's righteousness. The key, I believe, is to recognize one's inherenet unworthiness while not being overwhelmed by it - to hold unto faith that our Redeemer will sanctify our efforts and change our very nature.

General vs. Personal Revelation: An Insightful Distinction

Comment #63 by OhMissJulie (emphasis is mine) - I know the prophet is true . . . (Feminist Mormon Housewives)

OK. Here’s how I understand it. The prophet receives guidance and revelation for the whole of the Church. There is a reason that we call them General Authorities. They give general counsel to the general population of the Church. This keeps the Church as a whole on track, and ensures that we stay unified on the macro level, and there are probably a lot of other good reasons for it including some I could name if my head weren’t so foggy at the moment. Personal revelation is just that - it’s personal. It’s revelation for you, just you, only you, and occasionally the people for whom you are responsible, like your children (or your ward if you’re a Bishop, or you’re Relief Society if you’re the RSP, etc.). So when the prophet comes out with his general revelation, it is your job to correlate that with personal revelation. Different kinds of revelation. Everyone should have both, and one cannot take the place of the other.

So, say you have a personal revelation that you shouldn’t consume any more coffee, tea, or alcohol. That’s great and you should follow it; however, it doesn’t apply to anyone except for you until the prophet comes out and says the same thing. Then everyone makes an honest attempt to reconcile the prophet’s words through prayer. They are then accountable for following that revelation. In most cases, they would never have had the opportunity to even receive that revelation had the prophet not had it for them. But let’s say the prophet comes out and says, oh, that everyone should support this amendment that prohibits same-sex marriage in California (for one totally random example). You then seek out personal revelation, and you feel that you should not do that. It doesn’t apply to your life. You are off the hook. Note that in this example the GAs specifically said that every member had to pray and follow their own consciences. You did, so you’re fine.

It’s nuanced, and in the religious context for some reason that makes it troubling, but that’s how I understand it. I think we tend to have a naive view of religion, expecting it to provide us with the kind of absolutes that we know full well don’t exist anywhere else. I do believe that the Lord takes His sense of order very, very seriously, though I don’t really get why, and for that reason church-wide “macro” revelations must come through a prophet. Individual application of those revelations, though, comes through more individual means.

Hearing Without Doing Is Dead, Being Alone

Regarding activities and time constraints: We are members of two very distinct churches - the global one led by the prophets and apostles (to which we "belong") and the local one led by the bishops and stake presidents (which we “attend” and in which we “live”). That means that there can be and too often is a discrepancy between what is taught at the global level and what is practiced at the local level. Often, we don't recognize that distinction, and we end up frustrated with SLC when the cause of our frustration is local.

Just two quick examples:

A few years ago, I was released from the Bishopric because my wife was being called as the YW President. We had 6 kids still at home, and the youngest wasn't in school yet. Our Bishop was dedicated to the counsel from SLC to not overburden families with small children, so I was released and called into the Primary.

Over the last year, especially, our Stake President has encouraged all the stake leaders to conduct as much business as possible over the phone and via e-mail - specifically to reduce the time parents and spouses are away from each other. He also has directed leaders to keep meetings as short as possible when they need to be held - for the same reason.

Often "The Church" isn't the issue; it's translating what The Church teaches and says to the local level for the church we actually attend. The over-abundance of meetings and over-burdening of families is a great example, as I live in a ward and stake that has taken very seriously the admonitions that have come from SLC regarding this matter. I have a deep appreciation for what The Church is doing in this regard, while I hear complaints often from others whose local leaders are not working as hard to reduce their members' time burden. Often, these members mistakenly blame "The Church" and don't realize that "The Church" is very aware of their difficulties and is trying actively to change and address them.

Blogging: Constructive or Destructive?

A Truth Seeker's Guide to the Bloggernacle and Beyond - Andrew Ainsworth (Mormon Matters)

We Are the Masters of Our Own Journeys

I know a man who was gloriously happy after he joined the Church. He truly was. He had been a judgmental person before his baptism; he recognized that tendency and was trying to change - and the Church was helping him. Then he had a run-in with another member over a family issue. Frankly, both of them were correct to some degree, but neither of them would see the other's point.

This man allowed his conflict with the other member to send him back to his former judgmental self. He accused the other man of being a hypocrite (which, to a degree, was valid), but he failed to see the hypocrisy in his own stance and actions. Today, this man hasn't been to church in years - and he is miserable, having returned to his "natural" self. In the meantime, his actions have had a terrible impact on his family, who also were incredibly happy at the time of the spat.

My point: It is one thing to do what you feel is right for yourself and your own children; it is another entirely to actively seek to shatter the happiness of others - to challenge their beliefs in a way that is as "blind" as you accuse them of being. My friend was happy (truly happy) while he was in the Church; he now is miserable - and it's not the Church's fault at all. It is his responsibility, and his alone.

We are the ones who are responsible for our own destiny / fate / outcome / lives / whatever. I have no problem whatsoever with others living and believing in any way they choose, according to the dictates of their own consciences. Anyone who focuses on trying to help others understand what they believe without attacking the beliefs of those others has not crossed any taboo line; anyone (Mormon or not) who focuses on attacking someone else rather than explaining their own beliefs has crossed such a line. I try very, very hard to stay behind it but still cross it sometimes. Crossing it is human nature, and it is part of what we are told to try to overcome. It's a constant battle, but it helps to recognize the nature of the battle.

Charity: How Can We Learn to Suffer Long and Be Kind

In my previous resolutions posts this month, I tackled the "what" and the "why" of charity as a manifestion of long-suffering in kindness. This week, I am turning to the "how" - which, ultimately, is the most important thing to consider, since theoretical understanding without practical application is useless or even damning.

NOTE: Just as I said in my first resolutions post this month, I want to state right from the beginning that I do not believe we should try to learn long-suffering kindness by encouraging or causing unnecessary suffering in our lives. Suffering occurs naturally, and I believe developing charity has nothing to do with the volume of one's suffering - particularly if that volume is a direct result of one's own actions in producing suffering that could have been avoided. Some people suffer more than others simply because they are jerks - and I mean that as charitably as possible. I say it that way to make a simple point: Suffering, in and of itself, is not a good thing; what we learn and take from it can be. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Let's not invite more than is natural and necessary.

I have to admit up-front that I don't think I've gained any new or mysterious insight into this topic this month. What I have learned, however, is what I have learned over and over again as I have embarked on this resolution process:

Just as it is impossible to come to know the Master whom I do not serve, it likewise is impossible to acquire a godlike characteristic toward which I do not extend focused thought and effort - or which I am not aware consciously and regularly. These things simply must become internalized and habitual - a "new nature", if you will. For that to happen, it must be at the forefront of my mind on a regular basis.

This requires a commitment of TIME - even if not distinct and separate time on a large scale. In other words, while it is impossible for most people to focus long stretches of time on endeavors like concentrating on the acquisition of godly characteristics, it is important to focus one's mind on the pursuit in such a way that it is on one's mind whenever possible. For example, my resolution to suffer a little more in kindness this month might leave my conscious mind while I am immersed in an editing project at work or on the phone with a prospective student - but, in order truly to have a lasting impact on my character and soul, that pursuit must be close enough to the surface to rise whenever it is needed. This includes those times when that editing project (or the demands of others regarding it) and that prospective student create a situation in which it might be easy or natural to react too quickly and not in a kind manner. The more the endeavor is on my mind when it can be considered in isolation, the more likely it will come to mind when it otherwise would be crowded out by the numbing normalcy of life.

Let me share two examples from this month in summary - one positive and one negative:

1) As I have written in other posts throughout my resolution process, it is hard to be long-suffering and kind with those who are closest to us - probably for no more profound reason than that they give us the most opportunities to suffer and be unkind (as we do for them). With them, it is necessary to "endure to the end" - with an "end" that often is not foreseeable.

This month, I have done a much better job of reacting less quickly and more kindly to my youngest daughter - who, at a precocious seven, is prone to test my patience. I have thought of her often as I have considered this resolution, and so, naturally, I have reacted more slowly and kindly on many occasions. I have had moments where I have reacted too quickly and not kindly enough, but I have done much better this month.

2) The details are not important here, but I failed miserably in a situation for which I was not prepared and which happened late at night when I already was tired and "unfocused". If nothing else, this caused me to realize how far I still have to go to conquer perhaps the most difficult aspect of long-suffering in kindness - reacting to the FIRST instances of actions that upset me. On a long-term basis, it is harder to be long-suffering and kind when someone continually does and/or says things that might offend, but I have come to recognize that the initial suffering caused by someone for whom I have not built a reserve of love is the suffering that tends to cause me to react the most quickly and least kindly.

Unfortunately, those exact situations often are the very events that form first impressions and contribute to the difficulty of forgiving and loving in the future. If a first impression is one of love and kindness, it is FAR more likely that on-going difficulties will be handled in a patient and kind manner than when that first impression is negative. Thus, it is critical that long-suffering in kindness by internalized in such a way that the INITIAL suffering caused by strangers and associates by met properly - not just the on-going suffering caused by those we love and forgive regularly.

HOW?

Practice and focus and diligence.

That's all I have, and I don't want to complicate it more than that. It really is about TIME.

Loving Those Who Lose Faith

When we talk of those who have "lost faith", I never assume they have acted intentionally through malice, or succumbed to sin, or rejected the concept of prophets, or any other possibility. If they state one of those paths openly and are vitriolic in their approach, I will accept that as real. Otherwise, I will sit down, take the time to discuss and understand their journey and provide whatever advice or counsel or listening ear or sympathetic heart I can. I will try to understand them without pre-conceived assumptions and, if possible, help them find a way to hold onto a sliver of hope even if they can't find faith. If that is not possible, and they feel they must leave the Church, I will accept their decision as their own, maintain whatever level of interaction is possible and make sure they know I am still their friend regardless of their faith at the time.

If they want to talk religion, I will talk religion; if they want to play board games, I will play board games; if they want to talk politics but not religion, that is what we will do. If we have not had a relationship in which we could talk religion, I will not talk religion - unless our relationship changes enough to do so later. In that situation, I will look and pray for an opportunity to share my testimony and any spiritual insight I can share, but I will share only if I feel strongly and uniquely prompted to do so. In summary, I will do my best to respect their agency and their stated desires - unless they are acting in such a way that I feel others are in danger. Then, and only then, will I upbraid or chastise or preach without invitation or call to repentance.

In my individual callings, I might have occasion to modify that slightly, but that's how I try to handle the balance as an individual. If I'm going to make a mistake, I want that mistake to be on the side of compassion and charity and brotherhood, not the alternative.

This philosophy allows me to have many good and valuable friendships with people who can't be friends with other members - solely because those other members refuse to respect and accept my friends for who they are. They share my desire to see these friends embrace the Gospel but are unwilling / unable to wait for it to happen according to these friends' agency and the Lord's timetable. All too often , this unwillingness to "wait upon the Lord" drives my friends away and makes it very hard for others to reach them without defensiveness on their part.

In the Quiet Heart is Hidden: Even the Strong Need Fellowship

Seeing Past the Smile - the other Michelle L. (Blog Segullah)

What My Midnight Memories Mean to My Eternal Perspective

When our first child was born, we lived in Somerville, MA. When he was just a few months old, he would fuss a lot about 10:00-11:00 each night. I would put him in our front-pack (whatever they are called), walk to the bus stop and ride the bus toward Cambridge until he fell asleep - then return with him sleeping against my chest. That was one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.

That was over 20 years ago, and I still can remember it like it was yesterday. I love and appreciate anything that takes me back to when my children needed me in a way that is unimaginable to those who have not experienced it. Even though it led to sleep-deprivation, (as I had to get up 2-3 hours later), I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

It is these experiences that give me a tiny, tiny, tiny glimpse of the ultimate joy contained within Mormon theology regarding eternal parenthood.