Friday, April 4, 2014

Influencing vs. Nagging Applies to More than Just Marriage

Influencing occurs through example and kindness, expressed sometimes verbally as encouragement but always in an uplifting manner that is focused on the positive.

Nagging is verbal and judgmental, expressed in a negative way that conveys disappointment as the motivating factor.

It's a fine line - sometimes. Generally, it's pretty clear, however - and it almost always is defined by the recipient. If the person on the receiving end perceives it as nagging, it's nagging in every way that counts. If that person doesn't perceive it as nagging, it still might be nagging - because the recipient might have been beaten down enough to not be able to recognize its nagging nature.

Therefore, I believe it's up to us not only to avoid "objective" nagging (that which any normal person would understand to be nagging), but also to avoid that which causes someone else to react in such a way that we ought to be able to see they feel nagged. That has application not just to marriage, but also to our interactions with others in nearly all social situations - including how we interact with family and members at church and with regard to our religious views.  It takes conscious effort to learn how to eliminate nagging in our lives, and it takes a degree of humility often - since sometimes we have to ask if the person feels nagged and be willing to accept it when they say they do. That can be especially hard when we are in a position of authority, "as (we) suppose".

1 comment:

Fitting the Outside In with Stacey said...

This is very helpful information. How do you think it could be applied in trying to get a kid off of a video game they are riveted on?