We Can Be "Atoners" in This Life

We talk of an infinite Atonement, but I have seen an example of how powerful a mortal, finite Atonement can be. 

My father's sacrifice for my mother, about which I won't write again here, allowed her to have a peaceful, joyful life despite "limitations" that could have made her life hellish. In a very real way, he laid down (set aside) his potential life and picked up a new life solely for her. In more ways than one, he suffered so she wouldn't have to suffer. We (their children) were blessed in many ways as a result, but he did it because of his deep, unquenchable love for her. 

I honor the concept of divine Atonement, but I think we focus so much on a universal, transcendent Atonement that we overlook the impact we can have when we choose to be "at-one-ers" throughout our lives. 

It is easy to be a divider. Any unprincipled person can be that. It is much harder to be a dedicated uniter and accepter and valuer and uplifter and atoner. 

I try to live my life that way, and the current political situation has made that excruciatingly difficult. I hope I can return to whom I want to be - and, in my interactions with others, be more like my dad was with my mom than any other example I have had in my life.

Beautiful Brokenness

Kintsugi: The Japanese art of finding beauty in broken things 

(The link above shows examples of this art.)

The following is from a friend. I hope it touches and enlightens others as it did me.

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I didn't know for sure if I could let go of perfectionism, and accept my life, my family, and my faith will never be what I thought it should be.

Then...I found my dear sweet wife.  She went through divorce like I did. She was broken like me.  She was perfect for me...not because I could try to compromise my views and just deal with it...

...but in all reality, for me...she was perfect precisely because of what she went through and how she could see me in a light others could not.

And I came across this term in my readings:

kintsukuroi - n. "to repair with gold"; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.

It is not simply any mended object automatically increases its appreciation but…that the gap between the vanity of pristine or perfect appearance and the fractured manifestation of mortal fate is precisely what deepens its appeal.

In other words, the proof of its fragility and its resilience is what makes it beautiful.

In every sense of the words, my wife is simply more beautiful to me because she is who she is today over and above anyone else who might have had a perfect life with no suffering ever.

This can directly apply to our testimonies of the gospel.  They can be broken. Not because we are weak. Not because we don't have enough faith.  Sometimes it is because God wants us to see that it can be mended, and afterwards never be the same...

...but better.  Precisely because we have been broken, we are better.

Jesus Showed All Lives Matter by Focusing His Ministry on Specific Lives

This post is not a defense of Black Lives Matter. Seriously, it isn't, so please don't make it about that. It is a broad statement about the stupid meme that is going around Facebook saying Jesus made the definitive statement about all lives mattering when he died on the cross for everyone. 
Yes, he died for everyone. That is a fundamental tenet of Chrisitanity, and, ironically, Mormon theology affirms it even kore than most Protestant theologies. However, he did that by explicitly focusing his mortal ministry on the marginalized and rejected in his society. In other words, he showed that all lives matter specifically by highlighting and working to change the inequities of his culture that made some lives NOT matter - or, at least, not matter nearly as much. He made all lives matter eternally when they didn't matter equally within their politic and socio-economic system - but he also worked tirelessly to convince the religious and political authorities (and the citizenship, by extension) to change the views and practices that disproportionately disadvantaged and harmed specific people. He beleived it so strongly that he died for it.
That is indisputable in the Gospels, and it boggles my mind how some people don't understand it. BLM being a good or bad organization doesn't change Jesus' ministry at all. He showed all lives matter by valuing publicans' lives - and lepers' lives - and sinners' lives - and adulterers' lives - and, importantly, Samaritans' lives. 
Truly beleiving all lives matter, as a Chrisitan, means doing everything possible to make all lives as equally valuable and sacred and protected and honored and loved and served in every way as possible.

Personal Limitations: We Won't Be Stuck Like This Forever

One of the reasons I hold onto the concept of a redemption and the way it is framed in Mormonism is that there is a clear statement (at least to me) of bedrock faith that we will not be punished in any way for those things we don't choose - and that we won't be "stuck like this forever" when it comes to those things we don't like about ourselves. It's termed as not being punished for Adam's transgression in the 2nd Article of Faith - and I think it's instructive that it is the second one on the list - that it's right after the statement of belief in God and BEFORE the statement about the Atonement of Christ and obedience to laws and ordinances.

Think seriously about that, please. Our first few Articles of Faith are composed in the following order:

1) the existence of the Godhead;

2) no punishment for those things that simply are a part of mortality that aren't chosen by us and, therefore, aren't "sins";

3) atonement (by implication, for "sins") through obedience (by implication, to things we are capable of obeying).

That's a fascinating, compelling, wonderful arrangement.

I know it might not help much in the exact moment of greatest pain, but, at the very least, for me, it is an amazing concept - that ALL of those things we list as our natural obstacles in life will not be held against us in ANY way when all is said and done. When all is said and done, our efforts to change some of them will be rewarded, no matter the degree to which we are (or feel) "successful". I see that as the core of the "truth (that) shall make you free" - that we are loved for who we are and that we will be allowed to escape these mortal limitations - not just in the next life, but in this life (when talking about things we can change) and in the next life (when talking about things that really are beyond our control here in mortality).

To any who read this who are struggling to deal with a particular unchosen trial of mortality: 

God continue to bless you in your efforts, but, most of all, may you find peace in those efforts and an acceptance of yourself as you are - even as you strive to be more what you want to be. This is one case where I think the statement "well done, thou good and faithful servant" applies perfectly - when "enduring to the end" means something deep, wonderful and inspiring.

In the End, What Really Matters?

When all is said and done, I believe what matters most is no more than that we search for and find peace and happiness, that we love and serve others and that we try to be the best people we can be on our life's journey.

We really can't know objectively about things outside our mortal vision (which varies from person to person), so, at the most fundamental level, all we are required to do is live according to the dictates of our own consciences, let us worship how, where or what we may.

The interesting thing is that, when you get to the heart of current Mormon theology (especially when you consider temple theology and vicarious work for the dead), the summary above is a pretty good one to describe the path to "perfection" (completeness, wholeness, full development) we call the Celestial Kingdom - and it's the heart of the Atonement within our theology. Our effort, limited though it is, is enough, through the grace of God and its limitless reach. 

My Talk on the Atonement: Jesus' Life As the Most Important Element

When we talk about the Atonement, we often use analogies or explanations that make sense to us. For example, we hear about the parable of the bicycle - or the weak student who is going to get whipped for his actions but a stronger student steps in to take his punishment - or someone who is in overwhelming debt who has his debt paid by a rich benefactor - or any number of other examples. We want to understand the Atonement more deeply, so we create these explanations - and we pick whichever one resonates most deeply with our own personalities and experiences.

While I also like to try to understand the mechanics of the Atonement (how it works in practical terms), I think obsessing over exactly which explanation is "true" is an example of something Elder Maxwell said in General Conference in 1988 - that the dimensions of the cross are not as important as what happened on it. Therefore, I am not going to talk about my understanding of the practical details of the Atonement; rather, I am going to talk about what the Atonement means to me - how it resonates most deeply with my own soul.

I start by comparing how the Atonement is addresses within mainstream Christian thought and within Mormon theology.

The traditional belief in Christianity about our ultimate end can be summed up as the wicked or unsaved suffering forever in Hell, while the righteous or saved live forever in the presence of God (generally focused on Jesus). In essence, this belief says that some will be punished with eternal torment, while others will end up in the condition we teach existed in the pre-existence. Framed differently, in Mormon terms and not focusing on the differences in physical condition to the resurrection, mainstream Christianity teaches that all people will end up in either Outer Darkness or the Terrestrial Kingdom. It's not that we reject their concept of Heaven and Hell; it's that we see more eternal conditions than that - and, importantly, we teach that most people will end up being more blessed than what is believed in most other denominations. For example, the generically wicked will be rewarded and blessed with a degree of glory, and those who strive to live the best they understand will be blessed with a much greater reward than the Terrestrial Kingdom, no matter their religious affiliation in this life.

That concept of an "extra reward" is the heart of the difference between how we view the Atonement - and I have to chuckle a little whenever I hear someone say that Mormons believe they are the only ones who will make it to Heaven. They simply don't understand our theology - but I also think it's important to point out that this misunderstanding sometimes occurs because of how we talk about "the world" and "others".

That is part of the intellectual aspect of the Atonement that means a lot to me, but the intellectual is not the most powerful to me. I believe strongly that, in the Church, we so the Atonement a disservice (that we actually devalue it) when we focus exclusively on the Garden of Gethsemane and Golgotha. Those are incredibly important aspects of the Atonement, but the ultimate goal of our existence is NOT to be saved from sin and death and return to a terrestrial existence (equal to the pre-existence, except with a resurrected body). We are told that the purpose and measure of our creation is to become like God - and it is Jesus' LIFE that provides the blueprint for how that can occur. His suffering and death are said to free us to pursue exaltation, but it is his life that teaches us how to "become like God"; thus, his life is an integral part of his Atonement.

To state it differently, someone can lack an intellectual understanding of Jesus and the Atonement (and not even have heard of either in this life) and still become like God, while others can study Jesus and understand intellectually the Atonement and not become anything like God. Understanding Jesus and the Atonement to the best of my ability is important, but actually striving to live like he lived and become like him is FAR more important in the end.

How can we do that?

We can read his words and emulate him. We can read the Sermon on the Mount and strive to acquire the characteristics of blessedness it lists and describes. We can see whom he served and look for ways to serve those same people (the publicans and sinners in our own society). We can stop focusing on serving those whom it is easy to serve (like each other here in this chapel) and reach out to those we naturally would avoid, despise and reject. We can try to love as he loved, knowing all the other commandments hang on love.

Brothers and sister, we need to acknowledge Jesus' suffering and death (and we generally are pretty good at that), but I believe we need to be much more intentional and dedicated to changing the world around us than we generally are. My only New Year's Resolution this year is to find a way to help the publicans and sinners around me - those people who I naturally see as "unclean" - not just to check off something on a to-do list, but to develop more fully the type of character and loving nature that Jesus said in Matthew 5:48 is the full measure of perfection.

I hope we all can do so, together and individually.

My Wife's Talk in Sacrament Meeting: The Atonement in My Own Life

My wife gave this talk early last year, during and in the aftermath of some difficult times.

Dictionary definition:

1. satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.
2. Theology : the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, especially as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ.

The background basics, familiar to most of us:

As descendants of Adam and Eve, all people inherit the effects of the Fall. In our fallen state, we are subject to opposition and temptation. When we give in to temptation, we are alienated from God, and if we continue in sin, we experience spiritual death, being separated from His presence. We are all subject to temporal death, which is the death of the physical body.

The only way for us to be saved is for someone else to rescue us. We need someone who can satisfy the demands of justice—standing in our place to assume the burden of the Fall and to pay the price for our sins. Jesus Christ has always been the only one capable of making such a sacrifice.

Only He had the power to lay down His life and take it up again. From His mortal mother, Mary, He inherited the ability to die. From His immortal Father, He inherited the power to overcome death.

Only He could redeem us from our sins. God the Father gave Him this power. The Savior was able to receive this power and carry out the Atonement because He kept Himself free from sin. Having lived a perfect, sinless life, He was free from the demands of justice. Because He had the power of redemption and because He had no debt to justice, he could extend mercy and pay the debt for those who repent.

Jesus' atoning sacrifice took place in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary. In Gethsemane He submitted to the will of the Father.

“I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; … Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit …” (D&C 19:16,18).

The Savior continued to suffer for our sins when He allowed Himself to be crucified. On the cross, He allowed Himself to die. He was resurrected. Through His death and resurrection, He overcame physical death for us all.

Jesus Christ redeems all people from the effects of the Fall. All people who have ever lived on the earth and who ever will live on the earth will be resurrected and brought back into the presence of God to be judged. Through the Savior's gift of mercy and redeeming grace, we will all receive the gift of immortality.

The atonement is the supreme expression of love given from our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It is the demonstration of their purpose and desires. Their goal is our continued happiness and development.

“For behold, this is my work and my glory – to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39)

As I have thought and prayed about how to prepare this talk, I have returned again and again to the same thoughts. How does the atonement relate to adversity? How do we allow the atonement to change our lives and actions? How can the atonement help us cope with the challenges of life? I can only begin to answer these questions through scripture and personal experience.

“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance. ( Alma 7:11-13)

The atonement of Jesus Christ covers more than just sin. He suffered for all the weaknesses, pains, and issues of mortality. He intimately understands our suffering and infirmities, and knows how to succor us. He overcame death. Because of our Savior’s reparation in our behalf, we can be reconciled with HF and return to His presence.

In Oct 2012, Linda K. Burton gave a talk “Is Faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ Written in Our Hearts?” She says, “We have faced assorted soul-stretching challenges and adversities. Without an understanding of Heavenly Father’s perfect plan of happiness and the Savior’s Atonement.. these challenges could seem unfair. We all share in the trials of life together. But in faithful hearts is written, ‘All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.’ … Why does the Lord allow suffering and adversity to come to us in this life? Simply put, it is part of the plan for our growth and progress!“

Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught, “Our needed conversions are often achieved more readily by suffering and adversity than by comfort and tranquility.” (quoted in Burton talk)

Elder David A. Bednar said, “It is one thing to know that Jesus Christ came to earth to die for us – that is fundamental and foundational to the doctrine of Christ. But we also need to appreciate that the Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us – not only to direct us but also to empower us.” (Burton talk)

Over the past 6 months, our family has had an abundance of challenges – the major ones being the losses of a job, Ray’s dad, and my dad.

I have asked when things will be made right. I have asked, “Why me? Why now?” I have asked, as did Joseph in Liberty Jail, “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?”(D&C 121:1) I have keenly felt the loss of my dads, and even nearly 6 and 4 months later I still can be overwhelmed by a song or joke or picture or quote or memory.
Our family has looked forward to the wedding of our son, Jeff, and Laney for a long time. My parents were serving their 4th mission and Dad was beginning the process of getting permission to leave their mission to be their sealer in a temple other than where he was assigned. After my dad’s stroke and death, I have dreaded, even as I have anticipated, the day we would finally become official in-laws. I am grateful that the Lord compensates for our losses. The sealing was not easy, but it was not nearly as difficult as I expected. I know many of us there felt the presence of my dad, and I am so thankful for my knowledge of the plan. It does not erase the pain, but it does soften it.

I frequently think of Elder Quentin R. Cook’s talk from Oct 2008 “Hope Ya’ Know, We Had a Hard Time.” He reminded us that there must be opposition in all things. He talked of various challenges we face: employment and financial problems, physical and mental health challenges, marital problems, wayward children, loss of loved ones, addictions, heartache. He said,

“Whatever the source of the trials, they cause significant pain and suffering for individuals and those who love them. … Some trials are for our good and are suited for our own personal development. We also know that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. It is also true that every cloud we see doesn’t result in rain. Regardless of the challenges, trials, and hardships we endure, the reassuring doctrine of the Atonement wrought by Jesus Christ [teaches that He will] ‘succor his people according to their infirmities.’ “

I also frequently remind myself of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin’s talk from Oct 2008 “Come What May, and Love It.” This phrase is advice from his mother. He said,

“How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t – at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.”

Elder Wirthlin suggests that we learn to laugh, seek for the eternal, understand the principle of compensation, and trust in the Father and Son. He said,

“Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others. Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.”

He also stated,

“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude. One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father.”

This law of compensation has been a comfort to me in dealing with the loss of my dads. It has offered me hope and a measure of peace and acceptance. I know my dads are aware of me and our families, and they are busy participating in the work of the Lord on the other side of the veil, just as they were here in mortality.

These past months are not the first time we have faced extreme challenges. But one of the over-riding and persistent thoughts I have concerning our current situation is the realization of how much better I am coping than I have in the past.

This leads me to ponder what has changed – beyond additional time to grow and mature.

I have come to the conclusion that there are four basic concepts that have made the difference for me: faith, hope, charity, and gratitude. As I continue to develop these characteristics and instill them into my heart and soul, it is easier to believe in who I am, to fulfill my purposes here in mortality, and to remember that life is intended to be a test and an empowering experience. Each of these principles leads me closer to the Savior and increases my appreciation for His atoning sacrifice.

“Ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him.” (Moroni 7:41)

“Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works , being led to glorify God.” (Ether 12:4)

My faith and hope are anchors when life gets tough. They persuade me to perform good works and trust God’s promises. My faith leads to a patient persistence in believing He is aware of us and our needs and desires and issues. From our mortal perspective, we are not always able to clearly see what is best for us. Eternal perspective offers the hope that our trials and learning curves have a purpose and are not in vain. My hope in the eventual outcome, even if some of the resolution happens in the next life, is what helps me continue to put one foot in front of the other, to get out of bed each day, and to carry on in the face of adversity. Charity, or the pure love of Christ, leads us to love others. Helping others, even when it may be inconvenient, brings happiness and peace. Turning away from our own pain and sorrow for a time while in the service of others is a healing balm of Gilead. And the recognition that we have reason to rejoice and be grateful, regardless of the struggles, helps us focus on the blessings in our lives. Gratitude and optimism, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges and sorrows and burdens, make a difference in coping with the roller coaster of mortality.

Over the past 6 years, I have written a weekly blessing list. This has literally changed me from the inside out. I have gone from being a naturally pessimistic and discouraged person to being more naturally optimistic and hopeful. I have learned to trust in the Lord and to begin some semblance of letting go of things I can’t control. I have gained a greater degree of peace and joy. I have experienced emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual healing. I have become more faithful, hopeful, charitable, and grateful. I have become a little better at relying on the mercies and grace of Christ.

Does this mean it is easy to go through trials? No. But it does make it easier. Does this mean I don’t have moments of weakness and frustration, that I don’t have room for improvement? Of course it doesn’t. I have my bad days. I have meltdowns. I have pounded my head against the brick wall of adversity, trying to find my way over or under, around or through the challenges of life. I have ranted and cried. I have wished things could be different. I have my own private Gethsame moments, as we all do.

But I return again and again to the atonement of Jesus Christ. He is our Savior and Redeemer. He saves us from ourselves, our weaknesses and ailments. He redeems us from our sins. He has descended below all things. How can we expect to become like Him if we do not also suffer in some way?

I have felt the reassurance of His compassion in the answer Joseph received in the Liberty Jail,

“My son [or daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” (D&C 121:7-8)

God’s response to Joseph’s plea concludes with these comforting words:

“know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” (D&C 122:7-8)

A few months ago when I was really struggling, a good friend gave me a copy of this quote by Jeffrey R. Holland:

“If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived.”

Adversity is not easy, but we are in good company. We have only to open the scriptures to know that every dispensation has had its struggles. We are not alone. The Savior has atoned for our sins, weaknesses, infirmities, and sorrows. When we feel lost and alone, if we will turn our focus away from the blinding pain, we will find He is there beside us, willing to help us carry the burdens, offering hope and peace, allowing His grace to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be. The blessings of eternity promise that our willingness to leave God’s presence in the pre-mortal world to come to this earth and be tested and tried to prove our faithfulness will be worth every effort and every challenge.

Nephi taught,

“Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” (2 Nephi 31:20)

I testify that our Savior and Redeemer does indeed heal all wounds and all losses. His endless and perfect love and compassionate sacrifice saves and redeems us from ourselves, from every sin, every sorrow, every infirmity, and every challenge. His atonement will make all things right.

My Son's Talk on the Atonement: Omniscience, Tupac and Making a Change

This is a re-delivery of a talk I gave in the singles branch a couple of weeks ago, since the topic fits the Atonement.

When I first was asked to speak in church, I was told I could talk about anything. My first thought was to rant about how the phrase, "Modest is the hottest," is a linguistic oxymoron and an apostate concept, but I figured that probably wasn't a good idea. Instead, I chose to talk about omniscience.

Pres. Monson often references the arts to illustrate his points, so I'd like to follow his example and borrow his approach. Tupac Shakur was a rapper and actor who spoke a lot about social issues. He was killed in 1996. In his song, "Changes," Bro. Shakur said:

I got love for my brothers, but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin' changes; learn to see me as a brother instead of two distant strangers . . . It's time for us as people to start makin' some changes. Let's change the way we eat; let's change the way we live; let's change the way we treat each other.

So, what does that have to do with omniscience?

(Read Luke 6:37 and D&C 64:10 that say we are commanded not to judge people.)

Why not? Why can't we judge people? It's so easy! This person smells funny; this person talks too much; this person betrayed the Savior for 30 pieces of silver; this person brought a gun to school; this person cuts herself; this person cut me off on the highway . . . It's so easy to pass judgment.

Story time:

1) I know of a situation where a young lady came to a church dance in a dress that was an inch or two above her knees. One of the female leaders, trying to obey the letter of the law, sent her home to change. She never returned. The thing is, the leader didn't realize the girl was a non-member friend of one of the young men, and she had worn the most "modest" dress she had in an attempt to respect her friend's standards. The motivation / intent was good, but the action was judgmental and drove this good young woman away.

2) My best friend in high school came to live with us the last half of our senior year, when he turned 18 and his father kicked him out of the house. He came to Seminary with me, had some amazing experiences, the theology just clicked for him and I had the privilege of baptizing him right before graduation. He then went to college on his own and had a terrible experience in his ward. He was dating a girl, and her mother made her break up with him because he wasn't willing to commit to serve a mission when he turned 19. She told her daughter, who told him, that he wasn't righteous and dedicated enough for their family. What she failed to consider was that he walked about four miles to church each week and couldn't commit to serve a mission at 19 because he had joined the Church at 18 1/2, had no financial support from his family, needed to save money to serve a mission, and wanted to learn more before he decided to serve a mission. He didn't feel like he understood the teachings well enough to go at that time. He left the Church as a result of that rejection and judgment, saying to me that he had one wonderful experience and one horrible one - and that he probably would give it another shot at some point and see which way the balance tipped.

It's not all bad.

3) Another young man came to live with us when he was in 9th Grade. He was 6'7" and dark black. His life prior to that time was really bad, and he was judged by "the world" every day. However, he was accepted and loved by the ward family where we lived, and it made incredible changes in him.

4) I taught a young father on my mission who had an inoperable brain tumor. Living in Washington, he was prescribed medical marijuana to help with his condition. We worried about what would happen when we brought an investigator to church who obviously smelled of pot. It was amazing to see the ward members embrace and accept him and not even ask about the obvious smell. On his second Sunday there, he bore his testimony and mentioned how loving and accepting everyone was - and he said, "This is the type of community in which I want to raise my son." He died shortly thereafter, but the ward continued to care for and love his son like they had cared for and loved him.

So, why are we commanded not to judge?

A) We all are flawed.

We all are "crippled, "invalid children" and "broken things". Our perceptions are just as skewed by our experiences as the perceptions of the people being judged.

B) We aren't omniscient.

We can't know if the man who cut us off in traffic is rushing his sick son to the hospital - or if the kid in smelly clothing has a single mother who works hard but can't put enough food on the table, let alone buy him a new wardrobe.

Those situations won't be true 100% of the time, but they are possible. We should be striving to give others the same benefit of the doubt that we hope they and Heavenly Father will give us.

Unfortunately, we can't judge fully righteously, with all the facts before us - at least not on our own. But, there is a loving, omniscient Heavenly Father who can and will help us. I've never prayed for help loving someone and had the Spirit whisper:

"Don't worry about him. I hate him, too."

(Read 1 Samuel 16:7 and 1 Chronicles 28:9)

God sees our hearts and understands us. He knows and completely comprehends every factor of every choice we make - especially the choices we make when we feel we have no choice. He knows all of that and loves us, anyway. I know he loved me even when I was one of those people who had lost hope and given up.

He also knows it's hard. He knows we will struggle, sometimes even with the simplest of commandments. He understands that, too, and all he asks is that we try. Black/white, gay/straight, male/female: He loves us all and just wants us to try. The Atonement of Jesus Christ makes up the difference in what we want to do and be and what we are able to do and be.

I know that Bro. Tupac might not be an apostolic witness, but he's right:

It's time for us as people to start makin' changes . . . Let's change the way we live; let's change the way we treat each other.

The Idea That We Earn Spiritual Grades Is Abhorrent to Me

I have a friend who is bi-polar and who has struggled for years with the tendency to compare herself to others.  "Objective" measures of righteousness (and I use the quotation marks intentionally in phrasing it that way) and discussion of The Plan of Happiness have been brutally hard for her to handle, especially in her depressive stages.  While we talking recently, she mentioned how difficult it was for her to hear a friend say that we earn a spiritual grade and that only those who earn an "A" will reach the Celestial Kingdom.

The following is my response to that belief: 

If that idea works for someone else, fine - but the only standard in the actual theology is doing what we are able to do, with the assurance that the Atonement makes up the difference. I don't like talking about spirituality in terms of grades in school, but I believe if someone is capable of getting a "D" and actually gets that "D" that person will be rewarded to the exact same degree as someone who is capable of getting an "A" and actually gets an "A" - and more than someone who is capable of getting an "A" but gets a "B". I taught school for a while, and I was far prouder of the "Most Improved" student in my classes than I was with the bright students who coasted to straight "A"s without any attempt to stretch themselves.  (The parable of the talents also comes to mind.)
 
I have twin sisters, a year younger than I.  The other six of us got A's and A-'s, while those two struggled to get B's and an occasional A and C.  I learned later that some of their teachers assumed their B's and C's were the result of lack of effort, since none of their brothers and sisters got those grades.  In reality, my sisters worked MUCH harder than the rest of us in school - and they are two of the hardest workers still to this day whom I know.  To say, in any way, that the rest of us will be rewarded above them is abhorrent to me. 

Nobody knows fully what someone else can do. We don't know fully even what we can do. We just have to try to do our best, whatever that is, and try not to let others' expectations weigh on us - particularly those who are bi-polar or prone to depression of any kind. They need to work on maintaining a handle on that tendency, to the best they can, knowing the hand they were dealt is different than those who talk of earning spiritual grades.

The people who talk about spiritual grades generally care; they just don't understand.

It's important to remember that. They really do care; they just don't understand.

The Atonement: Sin, Transgression and Accountability

I tend to define sin as conscious choices that pull me away from God in some way and for which I am responsible - and I tend to categorize those things as acting against my own conscience. I tend to define transgression as unintentionally acting in a way that would pull me away from God in some way and for which I am not accountable - and I tend to categorize those things as the gap between my conscience and God's will.

I really love the distinction between sin and transgression in Mormon theology, and I tend to place more things in the realm of transgression and fewer things in the realm of sin than most members.

I believe there is absolute good and absolute bad - but I like James' definition of sin in his epistle: knowing to do good and not doing it.

The reason I distinguish so explicitly between sin and transgression is that I believe in the concept of "atonement" that doesn't punish people for transgressions - those things that are wrong in an objective sense but are not understood to be wrong by the people who do them. I link "sin" to "judgment" and "guilt" - so I define it as acting in opposition to one's understanding and conscience.

I also see a big difference between "wrong" and "sin" - and, like transgression, the central difference is intent and/or understanding.

I think the best example in our theology (and law) is the case of diminished capacity, especially with clear cases of mental disability. I think all of us are "disabled" in ways we don't understand fully, so I think "sin" occurs less often than we tend to believe.

Don't get me wrong: I support defining "sin" and "crime" communally and making general standards to ensure safety and stability. However, I believe in recognizing them as generalized communal standards and not eternal absolutes that apply equally to every person - and even the law recognizes that the same action isn't the same thing and shouldn't incur the same penalty when something about the circumstances surrounding the actions is different.

What Aspects of Our Religion Are Included in "The Gospel"?

At the most fundamental level, I see "the Gospel" as nothing more than the Book of Mormon description: faith (in the Lord, Jesus Christ), repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end - with divine parental love as the underlying principle on which it all hangs.

I see the Gospel in its simplest definition as the "good news" Jesus preached - and that good news is centered on one concept:

I am a child of God.

I believe every truly unique doctrine within Mormonism, especially compared with Protestantism, derives from that concept, and I believe the zenith of that teaching of the good news is the Intercessory Prayer in John 17 - that all of us can become one with GOD, the Father (and Mother), and God, the Son, in the same way they are one. For me, everything else is variable detail - pieces of various puzzles that people use to attempt to fill the same framework or images on mosaics that we create in order to become a "true and living" replica of God.

I see the good news as the idea that such efforts to become godly replicas are not pointless or in vain - that these mortal caterpillar exteriors we inhabit really will be shed at some point, and we will emerge as the butterflies we were created to be. That requires faith, since, like caterpillars, we don't get to see the process of metamorphosis that makes us what we aren't currently (the cocoon process occurring for us after death - theologically phrased as "the spirit world" prior to becoming new, "resurrected" beings), but I believe it is that belief and hope in the unseen (that "faith") that is the foundation of the gospel Jesus preached - and it is the central "power of godliness" that is mentioned in JSH 1:19 that was denied within the Protestant creeds of Joseph's time (and still is now).

No Way in Hell: The Beauty and Power of Temple Theology

One of the core aspects of my testimony is that "God" is a father and mother who flat-out, no-way-in-Hell are going to condemn any of their children to roast forever just because they didn't place them in a situation where they would know of them and Jesus in this life. That would be sadistic to the highest degree, and I simply don't believe in that kind of God.

If there really is a God, and especially if there really are Heavenly Parents, the Mormon concept of all-encompassing grace and vicarious temple ordinances is an amazing concept - and it is powerful even if it only is figurative. I choose to take it literally because it fills, touches and enlarges my heart in a way I like - and it just feels good and true.

Competing Realities: Grace, Atonement and Charity Are Key

I was asked once why people hurt other people "by avoiding reality" instead of dealing with difficult things.  My most concise response was that it is because they are human, and humans only can handle those things which they can handle.

My longer answer would be:

Most people aren't consciously lying or avoiding reality when they hurt others. They simply are dealing with what they are capable of seeing and feeling - and I don't mean to be condescending or judgmental in saying that. In my case, part of my being comfortable with uncertainty is admitting I might be wrong, especially about things that require me to make some kind of subjective judgment, and that is truer in the realm of religion than anywhere else - but I still have hurt others at times because the way I see things (my reality) simply is different than the way those others have seen things (their realities).

A practical example:

Some people believe in "tough love", while others believe in never alienating others almost no matter what they do. Neither is lying or refusing to face reality; rather, they simply are seeing what they see and acting on it.

At the most basic level, "reality" is whatever it is for each and every person. When a schizophrenic is hallucinating, those hallucinations are reality to him. I mean that completely; they are reality to that person while they are occurring. When he hurts others in that situation, he isn't avoiding reality; he is reacting to reality - living within his own reality.

Thus, for all of us, grace and atonement are critical - and charity is the heart of it all. 

It's OK to Be Wrong about Elements of Our Beliefs

I think the purest definition of faith allows us to be wrong about many things we believe.

I think the purest definition of the Atonement requires that we be wrong about some things we believe - and allows us to be wrong quite often and even spectacularly wrong sometimes.

I think the key is our adherence to the dictates of our own consciences and our willingness to construct that adherence to take into account sacrifices for the good of others. especially those who see some things differently than we do. 

A Beautiful Christmas Post: The Power of a Baby, not a King

Holy Innocents II - Kristine (By Common Consent)

Jesus' Private, Intimate, Romantic and/or Sexual Life - and a Tribute to the Woman I Love

My 28th anniversary is today, so I have been thinking a lot the last few days about my marriage and how grateful I am that I met my wife 32 1/2 years ago - and the life we have shared since then.

I linked previously to a post by Jacob on By Common Consent entitled "Men, Sex and Modesty".  I came across an exchange I had in that thread with another commenter and felt like I should copy it as a separate post.  

The other person said:

“To the best of our knowledge, Christ loved women in a non-romantic way. He wasn’t dating them, trying to get their attention, wooing them, courting them, much less marrying and eventually having sex with them.”

I responded: 

We have nothing (absolutely nothing) to tell us one way or the other whether the assumption above is correct or not. Given our actual historical record, “to the best of our knowledge” can mean that Jesus did every single one of those things – and every argument I have heard that claims he did none of them is based on prior assumptions and not grounded in historical reality. Sure, he might have been celibate and lacked natural attractions – but that would deny an important part of how we view and talk about the Atonement, in my opinion.

Thus, I reject it and the argument flowing from it. 

The other person then accused me of being snarky, to which I replied (edited to combine three comments into one comprehensive comment): 

My response contains no snark whatsoever. None.

I reject the statement I quoted simply because it is based on an assumption that is not supported in the scriptural accounts we have. There literally is no way to say one way or the other, or anywhere in between, what Jesus thought, felt and did in regard to those things (how he loved women [romantically and/or non-romantically] and how he felt about “dating women, trying to get their attention, wooing them, courting them, much less marrying and eventually having sex with them"), since there is no context given of his life prior to his ministry. In fact, without the reference to Peter’s mother-in-law being sick, we would have nothing whatsoever about the intimate, private, romantic and sexual lives of any of Jesus’ closest disciples. We simply don’t know, and we ought to admit that rather than claiming we do to some degree.

In other words, there is no “to the best of our knowledge,” since there is no knowledge at all about those specific things. Lack of knowledge does not equal knowledge of anything except its lack – so there is nothing that can be extrapolated knowledgeably about things for which we have no detail.

Thus, “to the best of our knowledge” is useless when talking about how Jesus approached women romantically or sexually. The best of our knowledge in that field is the same as the worst of our knowledge – non-existent.

I personally believe Jesus was married and that he had a romantic, intimate and sexual life that he "laid down for his friends" when he became a minister and went on a mission, so to speak.  I might be wrong about that, since there simply is no way to know for certain, but I believe he experienced all we experience, in some way, and I believe that means he experienced our greatest joys as well as our greatest sorrows and sins.

Looking back on the last 32 years of my life, since I met my wife, and the last 28 years, since we were married, I choose to believe he experienced my greatest joy - that of being married to a woman whom I love with all my heart and soul.  I don't believe his life could be "perfect" (complete, whole, fully developed) without that experience. 

"I am that I AM." -- "It is what it is."

I know quite a few people who have struggled at some point in their lives with feelings of pressure and guilt from situations that were not within their control.  This pressure and guilt were the result of unrealistic expectations about how their lives "should be" - feeling like they should be able to handle things differently and have lives that were closer to "ideal" in some way.  

I understand such feelings, but, in cases where the cause of the struggle is not chosen or intentional, those feelings must be addressed and understood positively and proactively in order for those people to be healed in a meaningful way. 

If that description fits you to any degree, I hope the following helps somehow:

The first thing I would emphasize is that our 2nd Article of Faith says, in my own translation, that we will not be punished for struggling with things we do not choose - that come to us simply as a result of the Fall of Adam, so to speak.  This means that there is no "guilt" attached by God to the existence of those things in our lives - that they are covered automatically and freely by his grace and the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  That recognition alone can be powerful and emotionally healing.  

I would reframe that concept as a clear recognition that there is absolutely nothing "wrong" with struggling with lots of things - simply because you can't avoid them. Just as the best name for God is "I AM", often the best answer to something is simply, "It is". That recognition won't eliminate anything automatically, even the guilt felt right away, but it is important to recognize unrealistic expectations and learn to know when they are hitting "in the moment".

On a very practical note, my wife started writing a weekly blessing list on her personal blog a few years ago. Despite the struggles in her life, which aren't few for her, that has forced her to look back and "count her blessings" regularly. What she has discovered over the past few years is that knowing she would be writing such a post has made her more aware of the blessings as they happen - which has given her the ability to recall them in the moments of hardest struggle - which has given a degree of perspective she didn't have before she started compiling her blessing lists. She still struggles with some things that are her own "thorns of the flesh", but she is able to break out of those struggles more quickly and even avoid them at times.

However you can do it, counting your many blessings and naming them one-by-one is a good idea.

God Showed Us How to Love the "gods" among Us

It's not just the idea of an Atonement that resonates within me.  It's the combination of the idea that we really are gods in a very powerful way - and that we suck at it - but that it's OK - because one of us (another God) showed us that it's possible to hurt the gods around us less and less each day. He showed us a path to freedom - to become more than our nature - to be godly - to be gods.

As much as I see the Atonement in other ways, I see the Atonement as the power that under-girds our morality and over-rides our natural mortality and teaches us that we really can be and become more than just smart animals. To me, in a very real way, it says:

It's OK if you aren't the fittest animal in the pack. It's OK if you suffer for innumerable reasons. It's OK if life's not fair and just and equitable. It's OK. It's OK. It's OK. Peace I leave with you, my child.

I really don't care about the exact "nature" of the Atonement, but I care DEEPLY about the message I take from it.

There are lots of things in this life that suck, including me sometimes, but, in the end . . .

It's OK.

The Atonement Covers Honest Mistakes

I have to live according to the dictates of my own conscience and have faith that God will not punish me for doing so. I'd rather follow that path and be wrong, learning from my mistakes and having an atonement cover those honest mistakes, than to believe and do things just because others say I need to believe and do them. That last construct is the heart of what we call Lucifer's plan - and I think it's critical do recognize that.

I had a friend once who asked me if we can choose which revelations to believe. I think everyone chooses which revelations to believe, and, more particularly, which statements of leaders to classify as divine revelation - even if that means some people choose to think they believe them all. Actually, I think there isn't a Mormon alive who believes them all - when revelation is defined as "everything an apostle or President taught or said from the pulpit", since there are so many contradictory things that have been taught and preached (and so many things we no longer teach and preach). Just to be clear, I am totally fine with that; I'm just saying that every Mormon has to pick and choose exactly what s/he accepts from our history as divine revelation and as eternal, immutable truth.  (I think that also applies to every religion and denomination, not just the LDS Church.) 

Everyone looks at things and decides what they can believe - and then they choose what they can live - and then they construct justifications for the gap. For me, the most important one is that the Atonement will cover that gap, as long as we're trying to do our best. That, to me, is a huge part of pure Mormonism - an acknowledgment that all of us are living according to the dictates of our own consciences and hoping in faith that God will understand and not hold it against us.

We Shouldn't Judge Ourselves or Others for the Thorns of Our Flesh

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.  (2 Corinthians 12:7) 

The assertion that “wanting to repent of it” is all that is required to be able to change one's weaknesses and repent fully is problematic for those who struggle to overcome deeply ingrained inclinations and never totally conquer them in this life - and, to some degree, in some way, that applies to each and every one of us. For example, I know quite a few people who want badly to react differently to their children in stressful situations but can’t conquer their current reactions totally - and I would never claim that their desire to repent simply isn’t strong enough.  There are things about my own "natural man" that I am not sure I will be able to eliminate in this life.  The conclusion is simple but profound:

Some things are thorns of the flesh that will go away only in the resurrection.  If Paul, the apostle, and Nephi could write what they wrote about this issue, it's important to cut ourselves and others some slack and not insist that everything is fixable if only we really want to repent. 

That is not a blanket excuse for any action that the Church deems to be sin. It merely points out the danger in blaming one’s inability to control perfectly one’s deeply ingrained impulses and inclinations on an inadequate desire to change. The beauty of the Atonement, in my opinion, is not just that we can receive strength to change in the here and now, but also that we can receive grace for our efforts even when we cannot change in the here and now.  To even imply that not being able to conquer something completely is a matter of lack of faith or desire to repent denies the Atonement in a very real, practical way.  

I think that points to the need for those who find they struggle (or even are unable to) live a command completely at least to strive to live as close to the ideal as possible. It might not be the ideal, but all of us are commanded to try to live as closely to the ideal as we individually are able - trusting that the Lord in His infinite wisdom will understand our hearts and make up the difference. I’m not going to be judged against any other individual, and I’m not going to be judged against a universal, Mosaic Law-like standard; I’m going to be judged against myself - what I did with what I was given. Since I have enough problem understanding myself fully and have no idea the exact extent of any other person’s struggle to deal with his/her own thorns, I try to preach the ideal but not hold anyone to that ideal - trusting God to know all of our hearts and, in the end, be merciful, loving and long-suffering with his children.