Saturday, February 20, 2010

Charity Envieth Not: Epic Fail This Week

I don't have any profound thought about charity envying not from my week - other than that it's a really hard standard to learn and practice fully. I have to admit I failed miserably this week wtih at least one situation, and I'm still trying to accept everything, let it go and not dwell negatively on it. What I will pass on is simple and probably obvious, but it's what struck me today as I took time to reflect on the experience in light of my New Year's Resolution focus this month:

It's really hard to be charitable and "envy not" when you accept responsibility for your own mistakes and watch others not do so for theirs - especially when their mistakes get blamed on you.

I have fought the frustration that accompanies such situations all week. I have admitted and accepted my own incorrect actions, but I have struggled to not "envy" someone else's situation - since I am paying for both my own error and those of the other person. Not only did I naturally want to trade places to some degree (envying the other's lack of accountability), but I also naturally found myself fighting feelings of hoping the other person was exposed for not being willing to admit and accept what was done to influence my situation.

I am coming to the conclusion that the only way I can let go of this and put it totally behind me, knowing the overall issue will not change, is to try to be charitable in my view of others, not have unrealistic expectations (not expect more of someone than they are able to do, just as I hope others don't hold me to an unrealistic standard) and realize that, in the end, I am as much to blame as anyone else.

In one way, at least, my focus (my resolution) this month helped - since it forced me to be more directly aware of my emotional reaction and gave me a way to work immediately on fighting my natural reaction. In another way, however, it reiterated a great, core principle of the Gospel of Jesus Christ - that every single one of us is a sinner and needs to be redeemed, even those of us who are striving with all our might to become more Christ-like each and every day. In that arena, at least, I am no better than anyone else - even those toward whom I struggle to exercise charity and whom I strive to envy not.

For that reminder, I am grateful.

1 comment:

Mama D said...

I believe you have not failed quite as much as you think - simply because your resolution has given you an avenue to recognize your reaction for what it is and to more quickly try to let go of the issues that are out of your control and move on.

You are a good person. I love you - both in your moments of "epic fails" and of "epic joys."