Holiday Season Hiatus

My family and I are visiting family out-of-state, so I am taking a hiatus from blogging here until the new year. I will post my 2011 New Year's Resolution on . . . you guessed it . . . New Year's Day.  The regular daily posts will begin again on Monday, January 3rd.

I will try to handle the withdrawal symptoms properly and not give in to the urge to write from now until I write the New Year's post.  (*grin*)

May the next few days be blessed days for all of you - and may we all grow closer to our Heavenly parents this upcoming year than we are on this date.

God bless all of you.  You have enriched my life immeasurably.

My Christmas Wish for All

May this day be one that is devoid of contention, anger, hard feelings and condemnation. May we commit to make it such within our own spheres of influence.

May love fill our hearts to overflowing this day. May we commit to allow it to be so on other days.

May our differences matter less than our common status as children of God. May we commit to see it as so no matter with whom we associate.

May all of us appreciate and respect those with whom we disagree - in word as well as in deed. May we commit to so speak and do, even with those who persecute and spitefully use us.

In all our deepest desires, may there be a road before us - and may we allow others to walk their own individual roads without throwing stones and placing unnecessary obstacles in their way. May we commit to walk thus, no matter how often our roads intersect.

May the example of those whose lives we use as our guide be ever before our eyes - and be honored in the way we live with and treat others. May we commit to remember to look back as we move forward.

May we see each other as God sees us. May we commit to be God's love for others.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Undeniable Revelation Really Does Occur: My Family's Personal Christmas Star

On Christmas morning, 2008, while we were reading about the wise men and discussing the possibilities of when and how and where and why the star appeared (and how it was ONLY a sign for those who recognized its significance), my oldest son said something that blew me away. He said, in effect: 

"The star for the wise men was like Jeff's baby blessing for us. Its appearance showed the wise men that the prophecy that had been given really did come from God, just like Jeff's health problems (his "physical trials") show us that his baby blessing really did come from God." 

To explain more fully: 

When our second son was born 20 years ago, he was 19 days early. There were NO complications, and he was released from the hospital without any delays. He was small, but he was perfectly normal and healthy. When he received his baby blessing, he was told something that really jumped out and surprised us all. Paraphrasing, he was told that none of the physical trials he would face in his life would have the power to keep him from his appointed mission in life. 


At the time, I had absolutely no idea why I said those words. There was no indication he would have any physical trials, and I certainly didn't go into it thinking that I should "bless him" to have lots of physical trials. It was a really weird experience for me after the blessing ended and I realized what I had said.


Fast forward 20 years. 

Of our 6 kids, he is the only one with severe and constant allergy issues. He is the only one who required speech therapy as a pre-schooler. He is the only one to have had major, emergency surgery (burst appendix at the age of 11 that almost killed him) - the only one to develop a serious medical disability (Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes at the age of 15 that was severe enough when discovered that he was rushed to the hospital for immediate attention). Our kids and his friends joke regularly about a pool to guess which organ will fail next and when it will happen. (When my daughter joked about him "having a heart attack" over being accepted into one of his top college choices, a friend responded with, "Oh, no, not another organ!")


I am grateful God reached down and put those words in my mouth 20 years ago, because they really are a comfort to my wife, a blessing to Jeff, and a testimony to our entire family. When Jeff's appendix burst and later when he was diagnosed with diabetes, the hospital staff was amazed at how calmly we reacted both times - but they didn't realize we had been prepared for those things to happen years before.  

They really were nothing more than our own Christmas star - confirming prophecy that had been given long before.

Resting in Christ

'....the Lord does not say to us, “Come unto me all ye that labor and I will give you a mile-long checklist, the completion of which is necessary in order to earn my approval and love.”
What he does say is, “come unto me all ye that labor and I will give you rest.” '

We All Need Rest - Patty (I Believe in Christ)

How God Intervenes in Our Lives

There are numerous ways that God can intervene in our lives. The following are a few; my experience with each is summarized, as well.

1) The Lord intervenes directly. In short, he commands the elements to obey, and they do.

I have had that sort of experience - once with the actual elements.

2) He sends heavenly messengers to help without making their presence known.

I’m not sure how I would know if that had happened, since it would be done “without making their presence known”. Just saying. *grin*

3) The Lord inspires someone at the right time, and sends inspiration so that someone can help someone else.

I have had this experience (miraculously) in the past, perhaps most obviously driving late one Saturday night to get my son from college. The “coincidences” it took to have my "broken" car fixed so quickly were so numerous I choose to chalk it up to intervention.

4) Someone is inspired as to what she needs to do to fix a problem. This inspiration goes beyond her current knowledge.

I have had this experience many times in various situations, especially with blessings.

5) Someone feels the spirit to fix what he is capable of making based on his knowledge.

This has happened to me many times.

I hope we teach our children that God can and will intervene sometimes (directly and miraculously), but that the general rule for most people appears to be inspiration to self or others. On the other hand, I also know members in countries or areas where there is little or no chance of receiving help from others (like in medical emergencies), and the obviously miraculous seems to occur there much more often than here. I don’t know if that is due to differing levels of faith or differing levels of need for intervention, but I like to think it is the latter - that God will help more where more help truly is needed.

Things About Mormonism for Which to Be Thankful

Mormon Thanks, Part II - Mark Brown (By Common Consent)

When the Church Works, It Is Wonderful to Behold: Yesterday, I Saw It Work

I had an experience today that touched me deeply, and I want to share it with everyone here. 

My advising assignment was changed this month to include my home ward and a different branch than I had been visiting previously.  Yesterday was the first time I had visited officially as an adviser, and I normally would not have been there on the third Sunday of the month.  We speak on the second Sunday of each month, so I normally visit the other branch on the fourth Sunday - so I don't have to be away from my family two consecutive Sundays.  However, since we will be out of town next Sunday visiting family in Oklahoma, I decided I should attend the branch this week. 

I normally like to arrive at least 30 minutes early, but, due to circumstances I don't need to detail here, I got there with only about 5 minutes to spare.  When I walked in and spoke with the Branch President, he told me that they had just realized as the young men were preparing the sacrament this morning that they were out of cups for the water.  They were discussing what to do as a result. 

They had decided to shift the sacrament to the end of the meeting, so the Branch President could drive home and bring a bunch of small drinking cups from his house.  It would be a bit awkward and difficult to manage, but it was the only solution that came to mind.  I suggested they go ahead and follow that plan, but that I would call someone in my home ward (which met at the exact same time as the branch) and see if they had any extra sacrament cups - and to see if anyone in that ward would be willing to miss their own meeting to deliver the cups to the branch by the end of their meeting.  The Branch President left to go home to get his cups, and I called a few numbers I had on my cell phone until I reached the High Priest Group Leader. 

He stepped out of the chapel to take my call just as my ward was singing the opening hymn.  He then went back into the chapel, spoke with someone in the YM Presidency, called me back and told me he would bring four sleeves of cups to the branch right away - enough that they could use them again for a couple of weeks if they were unable to get more of their own right away.  This good man told his wife and sons what was going on, left Sacrament Meeting before the sacrament was passed, drove 40 minutes to the branch, handed me the cups, then turned around and drove back to his ward without taking the sacrament in the branch - because he had to get back in time to teach the lesson today to his own high priests. 

I took the cups to the priests at the sacrament table in the middle of the final talk, and they finished preparing the trays and the table just as the final special musical number was ending - an absolutely gorgeous solo about the birth of Jesus.  They literally were lowering the covering on the sacrament as the final note was ending. 

There's something amazing about hearing the sacrament prayer said immediately following a beautiful musical number - when the Spirit is so strong you can feel it almost tangibly.  There's also something truly touching about listening to that prayer ("are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son")  while picturing the good man who made it all possible driving ALONE back to his own building, having missed participating himself in either unit so that he could make it happen for others and still perform the very mundane tasks of his calling. 

I know it's a "small thing" in the grand scheme of things, but it certainly brought to my mind the verse:

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." 

God bless you, Brother Coons.

The Day That Forever Changed My Life: or, What I Wish for My Children

24 years ago, I was sealed to the most beautiful girl I had ever known, with a promise that we would never be separated - ever - eternally.

I wrote the following three years ago at Christmas, and I am re-posting it today as a tribute to my split-apart.  I only can hope and pray that our children find what we have found - even if they don't find it in quite the "Ahhhhhh"-inspiring way we did. 

My highest wish for all of my kids (including those who were born outside our biological family) is that they remember who they are collectively and learn who they are individually - that they think for themselves - that they be happy with who they are but be willing to let go of who they don't want to be (even if they never accomplish that fully in this life) - that they come to know their Father and His Son - that they come to understand "the grace that so fully He proffers" them - that they see repentance not as a burden of guilt but rather as an exciting process of growth and completion and discovery - that they become truly peculiar treasures, together and alone - that they find that certain someone without whom they will never be perfect (complete and whole) - and that, with that certain someone, they carve out lives that will satisfy and challenge and reward and fulfill and complete.

My wish is that this madhouse we call Hotel DeGraw will be able to accommodate boarders eternally, even if in both the here and now and the hereafter that simply means a moment here and there as we watch our children establish homes (and perhaps hotels) of their own. If I see this wish fulfilled, I will live and die and live again happily - even if nothing else I desire comes to pass. If they can be as happy as I am, living as half of an eternal whole, I will praise God eternally for the love He has allowed me to experience and the joy He has given me.

Repentance As a Liberating Movement Toward the Ideal

The single most amazing and empowering and liberating aspect of Mormonism to me is the idea that we should pursue the ideal for the very reason that it is possible. Sure, it won't happen in this lifetime, but the encouragement to strive constantly to become perfected (complete, whole, fully developed) and the defining of that perfection as centered on attributes like those in the Beatitudes (that generally are defined in society as "feminine" and discouraged especially in men) is one of the mind-blowing tenets of our faith. I understand the problems that such a theology includes (particularly the tendency of too many to obsess and succumb to natural pressures [like depression and shame] inherent in striving to improve), but I prefer the target to the lack thereof. I've seen what the lack thereof produces, and it's not something I want to see spread.

Repentance, to me, is a very liberating idea. It is perhaps the most important aspect of the concept of an Atonement - the core of the statement that "the truth shall make you free." When "repentance" is defined simply by its technical definition of "change" and not by its culturally prescriptive, "feel horrible about yourself and realize how worthless you are" definition . . . That, in my mind, is what constitutes the "good news" of the Gospel - that God has forgiven us of the things we can't change on our own and freed us to focus on changing what we can (and being astounded in the end by what we can change with His help that we formerly couldn't change on our own).

This view of repentance (assisted self-improvement, if you will) also is the only antidote of which I am aware for self-deception, since it forces the repentant to face his or her weaknesses and foibles and character flaws openly and head-on. It requires the repentant to admit his or her self-deception and tackle it directly. You can't repent - truly change - without serious introspection and analysis and recognition of need and humility - and without the theological and doctrinal motivation to repent in this way, it is hard for many to undertake the effort.

Burned in the Refiner's Fire (Simple & Powerful)

Rust - Tracy M. (Dandelion Mama)

The Multiple, Internal Cultures of Mormonism

The difficulty of understanding, navigating in and accepting different cultures is one of the things that makes Mormonism so challenging to so many, since "The Church" itself is comprised internally and explicitly of at least three very different cultures:

1) the hierarchical, vertical, correlated, authoritarian, meta/global one;

2) the hierarchical, but much more egalitarian, ever-shifting-when-callings-change, very practical and minimally symbolic, micro/local one;

3) the highly symbolic, radically egalitarian, wildly-different-than-anywhere-else, idealized, temple one.

That complexity enthralls some people, but it also drives others bonkers. Some members are totally comfortable in one of those cultures but struggle in one or both of the others. Some thrive in the local community of believers but struggle with the stricter, correlated focus of the global leadership or the ambiguous symbolism of the temple; some love the symbolism of the temple ordinances but don't fit in with their own local community or struggle to accept prophetic authority; etc.

This is not an easy religion, and the multiple, internal cultures constitute one of the reasons that is so.

How Often Do We Truly Give?

Thou Hypocrite - Kathryn Lynard Soper (By Common Consent)

The Key - the Easy Answer - to Raising Kids

I have heard some people who have left the Church claim that the Church is damaging to children. I simply can't accept that.

I have listened to too many educators in too many school districts all throughout the Eastern United States express the wish that all their students were as well-adjusted, respectful, happy, dedicated, bright and caring as the Mormon students. (and, yes, I understand that is a stereotype and there are plenty of exceptions) I know far too many wonderful Mormon children from all kinds of family situations to worry that raising children in the Church, in and of itself, will damage them. My own children were and are being raised in the Church, and, if I do say so myself, they have not been damaged by that upbringing.

Having said that, my major point is that each couple needs to raise their kids according to the dictates of their own conscience - and that nobody can blame anyone else for how they choose to do so. At the end of the day, raising my children is my and my wife's responsibility - not anyone else's and not the Church's. If I really believe something (one way or the other) and fail to act on that belief, I can't blame someone with whom I disagreed but to whom I ceded responsibility. That decision is mine - not theirs.

Kids can be raised in the Church by active, believing parents and end up beautifully - or really screwed up; kids can be raised in the Church by totally non-believing parents and end up beautifully - or really screwed up; kids can be raised in the Church by any situation between those extremes and end up beautifully - or really screwed up. The same can be said about kids raised with any other religious ideology - including atheism or agnosticism.

The key is not the classification we use to describe the parents, but rather the way those parents interact with their kids.

I personally will continue to raise my children in the Mormon Church, simply because, outside the issue of my own testimony, I know of no better foundation for children than what the Church's structure and programs can provide. I have seen just about everything out there, and I would choose the Church. I am honest with them about my beliefs whenever I feel I have to add a different perspective than what they get at church, but I do so in a way that does not denigrate those who provide that other perspective. I keep it to statements like, "I can understand why others believe that, but I see it this way," or, "I just don't know if that is true or not," etc.

Above all else, I refuse to transmit condescension and disdain and ridicule of others to my kids. I have seen what that has done in the lives of friends, and the result is condescending, disdainful and ridiculing kids.

I have no easy answer to raising kids, but I do believe it's mine and my wife's to figure out for ourselves and our kids. Period.

Charity Endureth All Things: Even Others' Different Understanding of Joy

I believe you can tell more about people (both inside and outside the Church) by how they deal with the joy others find outside their own organization (or with differing perspectives that bring joy inside their own organization) than perhaps by any other criterion. One type of person lacks internal joy, constantly finds fault with the joy of others and actively seeks to undercut that joy; another type is secure in her joy and not interested in the differing joy of others; the final type accepts and embraces the idea that others have their own degree of joy - and tries to add to it (and, through it, add to their own joy) whenever possible.

I don’t want to argue with the healthy and happy; I want to learn from them. I want to spend most of my time administering joy to the sick and searching.

How does this relate to charity enduring all things? 

I have learned over the course of my life that there is an element of "enduring" things that don't make sense initially - like the idea that others can find great joy and peace and contentment and fulfillment and progress outside of the Restored Gospel - or even outside Christianity itself.  When someone believes something passionately, especially when there is a degree of exclusivity to their perspective (as there is in my own), it is very easy to form the opinion that "true joy" exists only within that perspective and those beliefs - to devalue others' joy as counterfeit or substandard in some way.  This occurs largely because it's hard to see others' joy and not feel like one's own perspective and beliefs are compromised in some way. 

I personally believe that the opposite it true from within what I would call the "pure Mormon" perspective.  Pure Mormonism says things like, "Learn ye out of the best books" - "Seek wisdom and learning" - "Bring all your good with you and let us add to it" (which implies there is good elsewhere we need, as well, but too many members don't stop and think about that) - "There must needs be opposition in ALL things" (which would include the Church itself, and "opposition" in that section cannot mean people) - "The glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth" - and so many more.  Pure Mormonism grants that others truly can find joy outside of the LDS Church, since it embraces truth wherever it may be.  Pure Mormonism posits that anyone can be saved and exalted regardless of the specifics of their religious beliefs and faith.  Pure Mormonism is charitable in that sense - in that it "endureth" (continues, exists) without condemning different viewpoints and belief structures as automatically leading others to Hell. 

Individual members too often forget that and slip into a more Protestant attitude with regard to the beliefs of others, but charity enduring all things includes, I believe, the existence of joy outside "our own" - and, in the ideal, learns from it and incorporates it freely and willingly.

The Danger of Universal Expectations

I want my children and church friends to fast fully once they turn eight, but I can't turn that into an unbendable expectation for all of them. For example, there might be situations of which I am not aware that make fasting for 24 hours medically dangerous for one or more of them - like my son's diabetes. Also, I can't project a desire for perfect obedience onto them in areas where they simply aren't capable of that obedience yet. Furthermore, I can't impose an even stricter standard than the Church's basic standard and expect them to be able to live it - simply because I am able to do so. I might see it as a "higher law" and a good thing, when, in reality, for someone else it might be just as unrealistic expectation - and a very bad thing.

I know siblings from a family to whom I was quite close growing up who still struggle to this day with deep feelings of failure and inadequacy because they were expected to be perfect as children. They were taught that good kids did (fill in the blank) and bad kids did (fill in the blank) - and that good kids felt (fill in the blank) and bad kids felt (fill in the blank). One child was chastised simply because she was vivacious - so the boys liked to be around her. Everything that was said to them could be justified in some way as "just teaching the Gospel to my kids", but the black and white, all or nothing, same expectation for all approach did serious harm to those children.

My point is that we need to do the best we possibly can to teach correct principles, but we can't ever lose sight of the fact that not everyone is going to be able to internalize every principle (or a particular one) and live them (or it) fully - right away, certainly, but in many cases not ever in this life. We have to be founded first on a charitable base and not primarily on a judgmental one.

Not Remotely Spiritual, but WAY Too Funny Not to Post

Zipper - Awkward Family Photos

There Are Things I Keep and Ponder In My Heart

I have had some amazingly personal experiences, and I have had some amazing experiences. There is a big difference. In the latter case, I share them generally without hesitation; in the former case, I share them rarely and with real hesitancy - only when I feel compelled to do so. For me, it usually has more to do with the idea of "casting your pearls before the swine" than with any other way I can explain it.

My deeply personal experiences have an added layer of intimacy that my other experiences lack. I have an intense desire to avoid having them ridiculed or mocked, so I share them carefully and selectively.

This reaction reminds me of Luke 2:17-19. The shepherds broadcast their experience widely, but Mary reacted very differently. With regard to my own deeply personal experiences, I feel much like I imagine Mary felt when this passage says, "(She) kept all these things and pondered them in her heart."

Hippo Birdie, Two Ewes. (Don't worry. I won't tell anyone how old you are.)

To my wife on her birthday:

(Not to sound like your father too much, but I really do like this version of the classic birthday song)

Hippo birdie, two ewes. Hippo birdie, two ewes. Hippo birdie, deer Mi-chan. Hippo birdie, two ewes.

Look on the bright side.  If you are middle-aged, it means you will live a very long life!! 

Do We Really Ever Search for the Lost Sheep?

I have heard people talk of the parable of the shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to find the one and reach the conclusion that all of us, at some point in our lives, could be that one. I believe that, in some theoretical sense, we all have elements of "the one" in us that have the potential to take us from the fellowship of the saints, but I also think that highlighting this weakens the message of shepherds leaving the ninety-nine to FIND the one. I think there has to be some kind of demarcation to identify that one - something that justifies a shepherd leaving everyone else to search exclusively for that one.

I think the clearest demarcation is the obvious one: "the one" cannot be found by looking around in the group that is gathered together and can be counted collectively. In practical terms, "the one" really is that member who does not attend our meetings and activities and is "lost" - truly unknown to the ninety-nine. It is the brother or sister whose name gets a blank stare when mentioned. I think one of the mistakes we make is in equating "the one" with the partially active man or the woman who won't accept Visiting and Home Teachers. We know them and where they are; we don't have to "find" or "search for" them.

Sometimes I wonder how many of the LOST sheep really get found - mostly because I wonder how often we diligently search for them.

Charity Endureth All Things: Learning to Love All - Truly, in Practice

We can't love truly those we don't serve - those we don't get to know personally - those we shun and avoid. There's no way around the need to risk pain and rejection if we are to "love one another as I have loved you" - especially since he also said that we are to love those who don't love us, since even the publicans love those who love them. We have to start where we can start, but we also have to reach outside our comfort zones at some point.

I believe it helps to identify those people in your own sphere of influence who constitute the "lepers, publicans, sinners and Samaritans" in your own eyes - and then consciously choose a way to serve somebody in that group of people. Once you are comfortable with that effort, pick another person or people to serve - until, gradually, you are able to serve anyone whom you feel impressed / prompted to serve. Just make sure you are doing so with NO other motives - not to convert them or to have them thank you and bless your name or for recognition or any other "compensation" of some kind.

Start perhaps with someone who has no reasonable way to pay you back in any way - or even to acknowledge your effort positively - or even to value you as a person or Mormon. It can be a painful process at first, but it is a powerful one.

Love at First Sight and the Gospel

The very first thing that crossed my mind when I saw my future wife was, “Wow, she’s beautiful.” The very first thing that my future brother-in-law said to his mother after meeting my sister was, “Mom, I just met the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

So, what?

My wife was thin with long, auburn hair. She was shy, so she wasn’t ultra-popular, but she was quite striking by most “worldly” standards. My sister is not thin and never has been. She is a wonderful person, but by most “worldly” standards, it would be very hard to call her “beautiful”. Her husband, however, looked at her and was bowled over by her beauty.

My wife has given birth to six children, and both of our waistlines are nowhere near what they used to be. Her hair now is auburn only when she colors it, and mine looks best when it is cut short enough to not accentuate my expanding bald spot. However, we love each other now every bit as much as we did when we both were skinny and good-looking by common worldy standards.

I believe that we are influenced, often subconsciously, by the media and culture around us, but I also think that there is an ambiguous SOMETHING that reaches out and grabs some people when they meet some other people that is hard (ok, impossible) to quantify.

There is a profound corollary with how people react to the Restored Gospel in there somewhere.

Simplicity

The Peace of Simplicity - Carol Brown (Finding Peace amid Sorrow)

Polygamy: Joseph, the Seer - Brigham, the Organizer

It seems to me, in reading the materials of the time, that Joseph was almost obsessed with the idea of the universal sealing of his people into a distinct community and people of God. The dynastic sealings and adoptions are particularly fascinating in this regard. Also, it's hard to imagine anything else that would have gotten the early saints driven into their own Promised Land and allowed them to solidify into their own "ethnic group" for so long.

The following is an over-simplification, but it appears to me that the more heavenly visionary Joseph (the seer) was fixated on the eternal teaching of a universally sealed family of God (the community of Christ), while the more earthly visionary Brigham (the organizer) was fixated on building a new House of Israel (the kingdom of God) through obvious blood connections. Polygamy fits well into both of those visions, and by the end of the 19th Century I think it had solidified both visions in a very real way.

Assuming from the start that polygamy in and of itself is a terrible thing makes it hard to justify in any way; removing that assumption makes it much easier - even if it still is easy to criticize certain aspects or results. I choose not to make that assumption.

So, I simply don't classify it as a mistake. I don't think the implementation was handled very well, and I certainly don't think Joseph understood it perfectly until the last few years of his life (if then), but I don't see it as a mistake. I also realize I am working from the soapbox of hindsight, so I try to keep 1 Corinthians 13 in mind and take as charitable a view as possible.

Empathy Is Never Wasted

Empathy is Never Wasted - mulling and musing

Is the Atonement Literal or Symbolic?

When dealing with the Atonement I don't think we can separate the symbolic from the literal, since we have no idea how it all happened. I think when we try to divorce the "symbolic" from the "literal", we end up killing what we are analyzing - just like trying to separate the spirit from the body to understand each better. Sure, we might end up understanding each part better in isolation, but we've destroyed the unique combination that made it worth studying in the first place. Isolating the symbolic or the literal - and accepting only one of them - causes the Atonement to cease to be "real" or "living" for me. 

I choose to believe that the Atonement (all of it - not just the suffering part) is both highly symbolic and highly literal - and I'm not sure at all where to draw those lines. Honestly, I prefer to not draw them in permanent marker; pencil works just fine - and no recorded lines work even better. At least, for me that works better, since I have no problem admitting I really have no clue - and that allows me to accept whatever works best for me at any given time.

For Thanksgiving: A Post about Enduring Things for which I Am Thankful

Thanksgiving was two days ago, and, as I thought about my New Years Resolution post for this weekend (introducing more extensively the resolution for December - to "endure more things charitably"), I decided to post a list of things I have "endured" that have taught me more about charity than I would have understood without them.  Here are some of those things:

1) Being raised in a house with a mother and five sisters

I had a father and two brothers, also - but growing up amid that much estrogen taught me patience and love in a very specific way.  (*grin*)  In the immortal words of Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that." 

2) Having a wife and four daughters

I have two sons, also - but see my explanation for #1 above. 

3) Being different from my earliest childhood memories

I realized at the age of seven, while reading the Book of Mormon on my own for the first time, that I understood it differently in some ways than others around me - including my parents, friends and ward leaders.  I realized at the age of about eleven or twelve, while reading Jesus, the Christ (by James E. Talmage) for the first time, that I wasn't alone in many of my views - but there was no way to share that epiphany with any of my friends.  They already thought I was stuck-up simply because I talked differently than they did - but understanding it was ok to be different (even in some "fundamental, religious" ways) has been a great blessing in my life as I interact with others who are different, as well. 

4) Repeating math I had learned already for 3 1/2 years in junior and senior high school

I am thankful in hindsight that I had to endure almost four years of repitition and boredom in my math classes, since essentially teaching my 9th Grade math class in the absence of an effective adult teacher led directly to my discovery that I love teaching.  If I had attended a junior and senior high school that knew what to do with me, I probably would have ended up being a mathematician of some kind - and I honestly can say I probably would have missed many of the highlights of my life and careers. 

5) Poverty on more than once occasion

I have been out of work more than once in my life, and, in one case in particular, it occurred as a result of taking a moral stance and being fired for it.  That led to the longest period of unemployment in my life and perhaps my greatest personal trial of faith - but it also led to two distinct careers that have been incredibly rewarding for me, albeit not financially. 

More importantly, in relation to this post about charity, it also taught me in no uncertain terms to appreciate and not condemn or judge others who are struggling - that there are good, righteous, intelligent, hard working people who are not blessed materially continually - that one's current financial condition is not an automatic indicator of personal worth - that the "Prosperity Gospel" might be valid at the communal level, but it isn't valid at the personal level.  I knew that righteousness does not equate to wealth (or even comfort) from watching my father growing up - but my own poverty blunted my own prideful tendencies somewhat and taught me that anyone can struggle in ways that seem incomprehensible to them prior to those struggles. 

6) My marriage to my "split-apart"

This is one instance where I refer to the definition of "endure" in my post last weekend - "to exist or continue".  It has been my great privilege for the past 24 years (next month) to have been able to exist and continue as half of a unique whole.  Mama has taught me charity in too many ways to list here - and she has been the single greatest blessing in a greatly blessed life. 

7) Blogging

Finally, I am thankful for having been able to "endure" through the schedule I set for myself when I first decided to keep a personal blog - and especially when I decided to post daily, except on Sundays.  I also am thankful for the time I have spent getting to know others in group blogs over the past four-plus years.  It has been time-consuming, but it also has given me glimpses into souls I would not have known otherwise - and that has taught me charity, as well, in a very real and important way.  It has been enlightening, especially, to work with those who are struggling with their faith and testimonies - and I will be thankful eternally for that experience. 

So, to all who read my thoughts here - occasionally or regularly:

Thank you for enduring with me!

The Power of Honoring Ritual

1) I love performing baptisms in the temple. It is, without question, my favorite activity there - even though I thoroughly enjoy all the ordinances. I particularly am grateful that the Church practically has demanded that those who perform the baptisms slow down and do so at a "normal" pace.

A few years ago, I decided to treat each and every baptism as a separate and distinct ordinance, as it should be considered and truly is. I know the baptismal prayer without having to think about it, so before each baptism I look at the name, memorize it (with a few exceptions - some of the names . . .), bow my head, close my eyes and voice the prayer in the exact same manner as I did when I baptized my own children. I speak clearly and pronounce each word with care. Then I open my eyes, look at the proxy and lower him or her into the water the same way I would if I were baptizing a new convert or one of my children. It has been an amazing experience.

2) In my current calling, I receive e-mails occasionally from the Stake Executive Secretary asking me to indicate approval of a stake calling that needs to be issued. Whenever I see such an e-mail, I pause, close my eyes and say a very quick, simple prayer that I will be able to know if there is any reason why the calling should not be extended as proposed. I don't know if I will ever receive a "Don't approve this" answer, but just taking time to honor the "ritual" has been a neat experience.

3) Whenever I am at the podium announcing a calling and asking if there are any who oppose that calling, I always take a moment and scan the congregation (clearly and distinctly) to see if anyone is raising their hand. Then I turn and look at those sitting on the stand. I feel confident those on the stand won't be opposing the calling(s), but the pure ritual should provide them the honor of being included in the request to show disapproval if they so desire.

I believe that ritual loses its power when it is not accorded respect and serious consideration - when it becomes nothing more than vain repetition in practical performance. 

I Like My "Updated" Church

The Church as Software: How Many Versions? - SFaux (Mormon Insights)

Did Jesus Literally Suffer for Our Sins?

In essence, I see Jesus as the great and final "scapegoat". If you know about that ancient custom (think about the parable of separating the sheep from the goats), the Jews would take a goat, symbolically load it down with the sins of the people then let it loose in the wilderness - thus symbolizing God's forgiveness of His people.

I see Jesus as the "human" representation of that ancient ritual - the one chosen by God to symbolically carry the sins of the people, be rejected and "cast away" by that people and, thus, come to represent His forgiveness of them. The "addition" in the case of Jesus was the carrying of ALL their suffering - not just the guilt for their sins, but also the pain caused by their sicknesses and simple mistakes. Thus, He became not just their temporary sin scapegoat but their permanent "Savior" and "Redeemer".

Personally, I think it was important to have Jesus be crucified by the Romans, because that was the ultimate expression of their oppression - their great communal pain and suffering and guilt. Honestly, I don't try to understand what he actually suffered in the Garden. I tried that once in the MTC, and I essentially came to understand that it wasn't necessary to understand it to accept it. In effect, I was allowed to see that it's not the actual pain or mechanics that is important; it's the symbolism "embodied" that is critical.

It's one of the aspects of Mormonism that is the most "glorious" to me, but it's also one of the things that I believe is generalized for a reason. Sometimes, the symbolic needs to have a literal alternative to help those who think and see literally, and sometime the literal needs to have a symbolic interpretation to help those who think and see symbolically. I believe this is the ultimate example, so I accept both ways of looking at it as "legitimate" on an individual level - and the literal option as the one that should be taught as the general, default presentation.

Blessing Our Children with Words

Blessing My Daughter - Margaret Young (Feminist Mormon Housewives)

Just Wait Until You See Him After You Get Married . . .

Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who don’t. There must be some powerful reason for that, since every “objective” or “logical” evaluation would seem to say that the results would be reversed - that two people should live together and “test it out” to see if they really are compatible - that those who do should have a much lower divorce rate. It’s fascinating that it doesn’t work out that way.

I see a great "deception" in living together, since really all it does is lengthen the “courtship” - the time when you are putting on your best face to try to impress the other person. You get married thinking you really know the person, but all you know is the person you simply have been dating more intimately. When you get married, your guard gets let down and you realize the person you lived with isn’t the person to whom you now are married - and it can be crushing. You feel betrayed and deceived - whereas those who have not lived together are much more understanding of the change. Often, those who don’t live together are even told something like, “Just wait until you see him/her after you get married . . .”

There also is the aspect of trust and commitment: one couple is firmly committed and focused on the positive, while the other is almost looking for reasons not to get married. Even if marriage occurs, it’s hard to change that basic mindset and perspective. It’s hard to look for faults and reasons to avoid marriage for an extended period of time, then stop doing so once the wedding occurs.

Most people don't stop and think about that - the habituation of skepticism and critical evaluation (which is a topic for discussion with many more issues than just cohabitation and marriage).

My Most Challenging New Year's Resolution Thus Far - To Define "Endure" Properly

At the beginning of the year, when I wrote my New Year's Resolution post, I realized that this month's resolution would difficult to define properly - at least, to define in such a way that I believed would be both practical and acceptable to me personally.  This was because I do NOT want to pray for or request additional things to "endure" in my life, since, as one of my favorite scriptures says in Matthew 6:34:

Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

 

I have enough things to "endure" that I don't need more - and, yet, 1 Corinthians 13:7 does say that charity "endureth all things". 

For this initial post, I want to share just one thing that hit me as I contemplated this dilemma:

1) When I looked at the various definitions of "endure", one in particular caught my eye - particularly as it relates to the idea of charity enduring all things.  It was, quite simply:

to continue to exist or last 

What hit me in this definition is that there is not hint of negativity or "struggle" or suffering inherent in or necessary to continuing to exist or last.  In other words, "endureth all things" does not have to be about increased pain or heavier burdens.  It can be nothing more than the idea expresed in Pslams 119:112:

I have inclined mine heart to perform thy statutes alway, even unto the end.

Translated into the context of my New Year's Resolution, it would read:

I have inclined mine heart to act in the ways outlined in the previous descriptions of charity alway (to internalize charity so that it will become a "natural" part of my very character), even unto the end.

 

In other words, perhaps the idea of charity enduring all things is more of a qualitative, longitudinal statement than it is a quantitative measurement.  Perhaps it relates more to the statment that "God is love" - and the idea that we should strive to emulate and become like Him - than to the idea that the amount of our suffering is more important than how we deal with whatever we are given to endure.  Perhaps enduring ALL things inlcudes blessings and things for which we naturally are grateful - since they also can change us and take us away from charity, if we allow them to do so.  Most importantly, perhaps, is the idea that there is an element of conscious choice in this type of character development - that I can choose to "incline my heart" to react in a charitable way.

I have come to believe that "enduring more things" (as an initial step toward enduring all things) is a perfect concluding resolution for this year.

A Liberal Is Just a Conservative with More Friends

I heard a brilliant description of political extremism in college, and it has stuck with me all these years later:

Both extremes say the same thing; they just word it differently. The "Conservative" says, "I understand Absolute Truth. Anyone who disagrees with me is wrong." The "Liberal" says, "There is no Absolute Truth. Anyone who disagrees with me is wrong." The only real difference is how narrowly they draw their circles. 

Meanwhile, those of us who live somewhere in the middle end up getting rejected by both extremes, since we share various views with both. The extremes, however, rarely recognize and acknowledge shared ground; rather, they focus on differences - ridiculing all who don't agree completely with everything they believe.

I don't know how many times I've had someone who is more liberal than I call me a conservative - or how often someone who is more conservative than I call me a liberal. Occasionally, it's really frustrating; generally, it just is amusing.

"At the extremes, a liberal is just a conservative with more friends."

"A bit of fragrance clings to the hand of him who gives flowers."

In praise of bright words - SteveP (By Common Consent)

What I Would Change about the LDS Church

The 3-hour block is vilified by some members, and it is the one thing that many members say they would change about the Church, but it often is that same group who blasts the Church for not educating its members enough on historical and doctrinal issues. So, on one hand, the Church needs to do much more to explain and teach difficult doctrine, but, on the other hand, the Church needs to reduce the amount of time members spend in meetings being taught history and doctrine. Can you see why I end up scratching my head in frustration at times?

I would rather tackle the instruction during those three hours and make it as good as it can be first, then evaluate if the actual amount of time can be reduced. Does anyone know what the Brethren have identified as the greatest "failure" of the three hour block? It is that the block was consolidated to allow families to spend more time on the Sabbath and throughout the week together as a family - but most members haven't used it to accomplish that objective. Rather, they have maintained their previous practices on Sunday and just added other activities during the week to replace the church meetings they used to attend.

How can you tell if something should be eliminated unless you've run it the way it was intended to be run? If you are going to eliminate something, what would you emphasize in its place? The main thing I would change is an individual recognition among the membership of what is good, what is better and what is best. If everyone took that responsibility seriously and only focused on the "best" things, much of the "good" simply would die away. Until the members take that responsibility on their own, however, I don't want the Church to eliminate things on a widespread level and "limit my choices" about what I can do. 

So I say, don't ask the Church to change first or primarily; change yourself and live whatever you feel is best, according to the dictates of your own conscience. Pick and choose which non-Sunday meetings and activities to attend, how much to pay in Fast Offerings, how often to attend the temple, how to serve others in the community and/or world, etc. Take responsibility for your own decisions, ironically, as the Church constantly requests. 

I'm trying hard to change myself, regardless of how the Church changes. Ultimately, I take responsibility for how I construct my own life by what I prioritize, and getting others to do the same (no matter what the individual outcome) would be the one thing I would "change about the church".

What Is Everyone Really Like Inside? - A Beautiful Tribute

the essence - Michelle L. (Blog Segullah)

Who Cares How the Book of Mormon Was Translated?

Many people are bothered by the fact that most of the Book of Mormon was "translated" without Joseph looking at the plates directly - that he covered his face in his hat and "saw" the words appear through the seer stones. My response is quite simple:

What difference would it make HOW the plates were used, as long as the message on them (or conveyed through them) was conveyed and recorded?

At the risk of being offensive to some, as long as the message is inspired and gets recorded, I wouldn't care if Joseph dressed up in a monkey suit and dictated the words to a scribe as the plates swung back and forth on a vine - or if he rested his feet on them in a pail of milk - or whatever other ludicrous translation method that I could conjure. If the central point was tapping into a narrative that he couldn't "read" ("translate" in the orthodox sense) no matter what he did but, instead, relying on the power and gift of God (which is always what he claimed), then his choice to block out all light and focus intently on "seeing" with his "spiritual eyes" is about as "normal" as it gets.

I listen to many authors and song writers, for example, describe how they came to write their stories or songs, and it's interesting how many of them who wrote truly great stories and songs felt the words just flow out of them. It is interesting, particularly, how many of them talk about struggling to start then having the rest come gushing out all at once like a dam breaking. Many of them describe the experience in very religious terms, no matter their own religiosity.

Whether the plates were authentically an ancient record or not (and I accept that they were), as I read Joseph's account of how the translation process occurred, I am struck by the similarity between that process and the great authors and songwriters. He seems to have needed the plates at the beginning to act as the catalyst, but once the dam broke the entire narrative seemed to gush forth simply by his concentrating on it.

The key in my mind is NOT the historicity of the plates (which I personally accept, since I can't know for sure), but rather the authenticity and power of the recorded message (of which I personally feel sure). In other words, I accept the historicity of the message, even though I can envision a scenario where the plates themselves might not be historically authentic - or might not have included the ancient record - meaning they might have been a "prop" God used to open the eyes of a prophet and seer in order to record what He had promised earlier prophets and seers would be preserved for a later day. I can envision that possibility, but I choose to accept the Book of Mormon as truly historical - and I have absolutely no problem with the translation method as it was described.

My Favorite Quotes from the World-Wide Training on the New Church Handbook of Instructions

The following are taken from my notes and are the best recreations I am able to make - since I can't record exact quotes when I take notes:

The women in the council were engaged in the conversation. We haven't always encouraged that as we should. (Elder Holland)

International areas don't have models for how to run the Church. The CHI generally is the only "model" they have. (Elder Gonzales)

My fondest wish is that we could remove the word "meeting" from our vocabulary - as in, "We are going to a meeting." I wish we could view them as "revelatory experiences" - and that won't happen unless we strive to make them such experiences and quit viewing them just as meetings.  (Elder Bednar)

There is great power in group synergy - when WE decide we will act together. Women are just as important as men in everything we do. (Elder Ballard)

We have to decide what counts. The Savior didn't count statistics and numbers. What counted to him was caring, love, service, ministering, blessing, etc. We need to make a new beginning in the Church and count as He counts."  (Pres. Julie Beck)

The following are from Elder Packer's closing remarks - and reminded me of why I sustain him as a prophet, seer, revelator and apostle: 

This CHI is meant to provide "simplification and flexibility". "Let me underline that."

Pres. Clark once said that too much regimentation can remove revelation. We are in danger of that happening in the Church.

ALL meetings should be conducted by the Spirit. It is time for our young men and young women to prophecy and for our old men and women to dream dreams.

There is a danger of establishing the Church and not the Gospel. Planting the Gospel in our hearts MUST accompany having the Church in our lives. Busy-ness can't replace testimony.

Families are not tools to staff the Church; the Church is a tool to serve families. Don't over-burden families!

No New Year's Resolution Post This Weekend Due to Illness

I have been feeling quite sick this week, and, since I was traveling two of the days and had a large group visit day on campus today, I have not taken the break I should have taken to get better.  Thus, I had to leave work early this afternoon, once the campus visit day was over, and crash at home.  I slept for hours this evening, woke up a little bit ago, and am headed back to bed in a few minutes.  Hopefully, I will be able to rest more and recover fully by Sunday morning - since I have a speaking assignment in one of the wards in our stake that will require I drive a ways to attend. 

May your weekend be blessed and your spirits renewed in some way.  I'll be back to my regular schedule on Monday.