Spiritual Prescriptions

My mother has a rare form of schizophrenia. When she overextends herself, her brain simply refuses to shut down - like a computer that freezes up and won't shut down unless someone unplugs the power. She took "sleeping pills" for years, we thought, but they actually functioned as a shut-down mechanism.

Everyone who has met my mother sees her as a spiritual giant, perhaps the closest things to pure love incarnate they have met. That was true for nearly forty years as she raised 8 children, specifically because my father took on all of the "normal" responsibilities of both parents so that his wife could "be herself". My mother literally goes crazy if she worries about things that she can't control, so my father shouldered the burden of EVERYTHING to shield her from that worry. (I wrote more extensively about this in the post "My Niece Died This Morning".)

I realize now that my father was the spiritual equal of my mother - and that what he taught me about forgiveness and acceptance and withholding judgment (my formative paradigm) was influenced immeasurably by the insight he gained from loving someone who was such a combination of extremes. My "who cares about the peripheral issues" and "focus on the basics" mindset comes from his reconciliation of the divinely sweet woman he married and the monster she became after the birth of my twin sisters - her first breakdown.

This world is full of good and bad, and each of us, as a part of this world, is complicit in that condition. What matters is not that the combination exists; what matters is the "medication" we take to suppress or eliminate the bad and let the good shine. If that means ignoring the bad completely for some, then so be it. Far be it for me to dredge it up and force them to consider what might destroy their peace of mind and cause a breakdown. If it means deep and difficult contemplation and reconciliation, then so be it. Far be it for me to take away that potential path of resolution. If it means actual, pharmaceutical medication, legally prescribed, then so be it. Far be it for me to discourage that kind of resolution by stigmatizing its use. The best thing I can do for someone is to allow them to reconcile what they see as difficult in whatever way works for them; the worst thing I can do is insist that my way is the right way for everyone.

ADDITIONAL NOTE & REQUEST:

The first comment asks for input and help dealing with a family member who has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Anyone who reads this and has experience with bi-polar disorder (or schizophrenia or any other condition that might fit her description), please share any advice you can provide.

A Very Short Tribute to Joseph Smith

Let others howl that our respect for Joseph Smith borders on worship. Hogwash!! A great but flawed man lived a flawed but great life - and we should never hesitate to make that point clear. What I love most about Joseph is precisely the constant beatings he took (from man, but, more importantly, from God) - and that he recorded those beatings for all of us to see.

I don’t want a sanitized saint. I want a bloodied and conflicted and agonized and noble and bombastic and gentle and loving prophet - someone whom I can try to emulate, since I see in him not only my potential but also my griefs and sorrows and failings. Truly, "Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah."

An Expansive View of "Chastity"

Each month this year as I have focused on a particular characteristic of godliness listed in the Sermon on the Mount, one thing that has become apparent is that developing a characteristic of godliness as the underlying foundation can eliminate multiple sins. For example, developing humility (becoming poor in spirit) reduces pride, which in turn can lessen or eliminate a natural tendency to take offense, lose one's temper, say or do harmful things to others, etc. This month's resolution was taken from the injunction in Matthew 5:27-28, particularly the statement: "Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

I decided to make my resolution for the month "Become More Chaste in Thought and Deed" specifically because I believe the godly characteristic of chastity is the one highlighted in this passage. Rather than being hyper-sensitive to any and all possibilities for sexual stimulation and avoiding all such exposure, I believe the godly way to avoid the type of temptation embodied in "looking upon a woman to lust after her" is found in an expansive definition of "chastity" - one that goes beyond the more limited definition of avoiding sexual activity.

One definition for "chaste" that fits this construct is:

Pure in thought and act; innocent; free from lewdness and obscenity, or indecency in act or speech; modest (as, a chaste mind; chaste eyes).

The interesting association in this definition is the use of the word "modest" - which in context is defined as: "limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc." In other words, taking both of these definitions in the context of the admonition in Matthew, the underlying characteristic that Jesus appears to be addressing is "moderation" - being able to see and appreciate physical beauty without going to any extreme, without including "lewdness, obscenity, indecency, lust, etc." This is a much more comprehensive and fundamentally empowering / liberating view of "chastity" than a simple abstinence from proscribed activities. Also, and this is critical, the definition highlights being "chaste" as something primarily within the individual.

I am reminded of a story I heard once. I don't know if it is historically accurate, but it illustrates this characteristic in a very simple and direct way. According to this story, a woman notorious for traveling in the nude (Lady Godiva, perhaps) was passing a group of religious leaders (the Pope and some Cardinals, perhaps). One of the Cardinals told everyone to cover their eyes and look away, but the Pope did not do so. The woman saw the reaction her passing had created, including the fact that the Pope did not look away - and she asked him why he did not do so. His response was something like:

You are a daughter of God, and he has blessed you with great beauty. I appreciate that gift God has given and praise him for his gracious gift.

I believe it is important to remember that Adam and Eve covered their nakedness only after Satan pointed out that they were naked and that others would see it. I mention this simply to stress that the typical restrictions we employ as a part of this mortal existence are in place NOT because physicality and sexuality are bad things, but because we do not want to place undue temptation and stimulation in the path of others. However, if all were "chaste" in their thoughts and deeds, such restrictions would not be necessary. In other words, we seek "modesty" (moderation) in dress as an attempt to strike a proper balance between the ideal and the practical - between where we wish we were and where we are.

True "chastity," therefore, includes not only conforming to the societal constraints intended to avoid placing temptation in the path of others but also having our hearts changed to not be tempted no matter our surroundings - to not "lust after her" even when "looking upon a woman" cannot be avoided. I don't have a simple solution or suggestion for each person. I know it is neither the extreme conservatism of the Taliban in Afghanistan nor the extreme liberalism of South Beach, Florida - but I know that I must be able to walk in either world and be free of "lust" in order to fulfill the standard Jesus holds up in these verses.

In summary, my being chaste in thought and deed is MY responsibility. I can't blame the environment around me - or those whose appearance "naturally" might tempt me - or claim the devil made me do it. I must change myself ultimately, even as I change my exposure and environment and actions until I reach the point where they no longer matter. I can't dive into tempting situations in order to test my control, but rather I can change my thoughts and actions until I can face such situations without temptation. If I never reach that ultimate objective, I must continue to structure my environment to reduce temptation, but eliminating all possible temptation can never be the default. In the passage being discussed, the woman is NOT at fault for her beauty; the man is at fault for how he reacts to it. At its most fundamental level, "chastity" is NOT imposed externally; it is developed internally.

The Taliban is not correct in its interpretation of chastity; Jesus is.

Love Thine Enemies

Matthew 5: 43-47 says:

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?"

I have been struck by the fact that the Mountain Meadows Massacre and to the World Trade Center bombing both happened on this day (Sept. 11) - and by the way we in the Church tend to separate them. I have a fairly easy time praying for those who carried out the Mountain Meadows Massacre, because I share a faith with them and can read of their otherwise righteous efforts and their subsequent lifetimes of grief and suffering over what they did. I can see them as fundamentally good people who made a terrible mistake in a difficult time of confusion and paranoia and impending war.

As we pray for the victims of 9/11/01 and their families, I wonder how many of us think to pray sincerely for those who perpetrated that attack (and their families) - not having the advantage of seeing why they did what they did and not sharing a faith we can use to “understand” their terrible action. I wonder how many of us pray that the casualties among the insurgents and terrorists will be minimized - and that the war will end, even if no one formally wins. I wonder which we value more - loving our enemies and praying for God to protect them or winning, even if means many of them are killed and maimed.

If these two events had to happen, I appreciate that they happened on the same day - if only to remind us that we shouldn’t seek to understand "our own" while simultaneously refusing to seek to understand those who "only" are our own in spirit.

The Symbolic Power of Polygamy

I am jumping the gun on my normal schedule and writing something I had no intention of writing until a few minutes ago in order to post this today. I just feel impressed to do so.

I believe that the major reason polygamy was revealed, taught and practiced by Joseph Smith was to solidify the foundation concept of eternal families early in the Church's history. Almost everything Joseph Smith taught focused on and developed our current understanding of eternal life and eternal marriage - and the universal application of the Atonement that provides the possibility for all to be joined (sealed) as part of a great, heavenly family. It is perhaps the single most unique aspect of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ - that we can be sealed to our spouse for time and all eternity - that family ties can last forever through the power of the Melchizedek Priesthood, embodied in a marriage ceremony and embedded in an ever-expanding family of equals.

Part of why I have not struggled personally to accept polygamy is that I have read journals written by my (and my wife's) ancestors and others who practiced it - journals that are full of both struggle to accept it and great manifestations of God to them as they did so. Some of the most powerful things I have read were recored in response to their own "furnace of affliction" that was polygamy. These journals also gave me a concept of what they envisioned by its practice - the embedding of the concept of universal, familial, communal sealing of a people (the symbolic tying of all into one large family of God and body of Christ) that we have a hard time understanding in our own modern, monogamous society.

It is conceivable that a group of people could believe in the concept of eternal marriage that includes ties beyond just a marriage and immediate family without practicing it here on earth, but the practice of polygamy and the persecution that followed embedded the concept of eternal family deeply into the souls of the earliest members in a way that could not have happened by listening to a Sunday School lesson or General Conference talk. They lived it and were persecuted and killed for it, so they KNEW it - painfully and deeply and undeniably. It literally was carved into their souls.

Having grown up in a small, Utah town where I was related in easily traceable ways to at least 20% of the town, I also got a taste of this communal sealing - and it can be powerful in practical ways. That over-arching concept of literal, expansive and all-encompassing FAMILY that makes all of us brothers and sisters is one of the beauties of Mormon theology to me. I don't think it could have been engraved in our cosmology without polygamy in quite the same way - just as I will never understand a nicotine addiction quite like someone who has smoked heavily and then quit. I'm glad I can't understand either through personal experience, but I'm grateful for those from whom I have learned polygamy's symbolic power vicariously.

A Perspective on Prophets

John, the Baptist, was rejected by many because he was a “wild man” who would not drink wine. Jesus was rejected by some because he was too “common” and did drink wine.

My point? Prophets have been rejected for all kinds of subjective reasons throughout history - and most, if not all, of the ancient prophets would be rejected now for something or another, including in most cases for things they taught that we no longer teach.

Becoming More Chaste in Thought and Deed

Of all the characteristics I have tackled this year as part of my New Year's Resolution, this is one that is addressed directly and explicitly in my Patriarchal Blessing. (I will address that aspect in my post next weekend, when I address why "chastity" is the focus of my resolution.) The exact wording from the resolution is:

"Become more chaste in thought and deed." It is taken from Matthew 5:27-28, which read thus:

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

I shortened my resolution and worded it as "becoming more chaste in thought AND deed" due to the framing in these verses of "adultery" as something that can be committed both physically AND mentally - and because of the underlying foundation of chastity inherent in avoiding adultery.

As I contemplate these verses, the first thing that jumps out at me is that Jesus appears to be doing two things in this statement. First, he is reinforcing the general prohibition against adultery included in the ancient Ten Commandments. Second, however, he is laying out the concept that we (as "living souls" - Moses 6:9) truly are a combination of body and spirit - that something that affects one has a corresponding effect on the other. For those who think of our spirit as something incorporeal and formless, this might be confusing, but for those who envision our spirits as possessing real form and substance (of being "material" in some way) it makes sense to speak of influences on our spirits in the same manner that we understand influences on our physical bodies. It makes sense to speak of addictions to our spirit in the same way we speak of addictions to our physical bodies. Likewise, it makes sense to think of there being a real effect of "visualizing sexual activity", just as there is a real effect of being involved "physically" with sexual activity.

In fact, I believe these verses go beyond a simple "analogy" or "comparison" between the two. I believe that Jesus is teaching in this passage the core concept that "spiritual activity" is actual "physical activity" - again, since our spirits are comprised of "real, actual" matter that simply is too "fine" to be discerned by our mortal eyes. (See D&C 131:7) I believe that Jesus is doing more than merely saying, "Don't even look with lust, because that might lead to adultery in the flesh." Rather, he is saying, "There is adultery of the flesh, and there is adultery of the spirit. BOTH are adultery in a truly "physical" way; both have real, physical effects; don't commit either."

There are three main ways in which I could "look upon a woman to lust after her" in this day and age. The first is in my own direct interactions with those I meet in person. The second is through representations outside my direct interactions, comprised through and presented by visual media of various sorts. The third is one that is not considered nearly as often, but one that is just as important - through the envisioning or replaying of lustful activities within my own mind, independent of exterior stimuli. Each is a challenge for many, but the second is much more easily available in our modern day and society - and the third is common throughout all eras, regardless of available technology. (I will deal more specifically with that aspect and its implications in an upcoming post.)

So, my initial focus with regard to this resolution will be to:

1)become more aware of any situation in my own direct interactions where I might be likely to be tempted to lust - and avoid that temptation in some constructive and intentional way;
2) avoid visual representations (like, at the extreme, pornography) that would do the same thing;
3) either focus all images like those in question in my mind on my wife (with whom "adultery" is impossible for me) or stop such images by substituting something else.

Again, I will post more on each of these focal points in subsequent posts, after dealing with the core concept of chastity.

More on Unity

I believe a HUGE part of the disconnect in many discussions about unity and will is the general assumption that “doing the will of God” somehow means “having God dictate one’s every action” - essentially allowing Him to act in a Calvinistic puppeteer role. When you change the paradigm and focus on the will of God being a very broad accomplishment (growth toward eventual perfection / complete wholeness - or bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man) as opposed to an obsession over minute details - such a difference in perspective completely changes the discussion. It goes from an OT checklist of actions (where unity means robotic sameness) to a NT change of heart and refinement of effort - which allows me to “give my will to God” in my own unique way while gaining perfection for my own unique soul.

Due to my view of God's will, I have no problem with an injunction to submit my will to His.

"Perfect" Unity

My mother used to be one of Pres. McKay’s secretary’s, and she can tell some fascinating stories of how the First Presdency at the time interacted. My wife and I are close to opposite personalities in many ways - which makes us perfect for each other as we try to become whole and complete as one. I also have commented actively on various group blogs in the Bloggernacle (the umbrella term for Mormon-themed blogs) and been intrigued by the group dynamics that keep such groups generally more civil than most other sites I've visited.

I view unity based on these experiences, but also based on the Sermon on the Mount - where “perfect” is defined as “complete” or “whole” - not as mistake free. In all seriousness, I believe there is an inherent conflict in the way that too many members view unity as an ideal. I prefer to think of it in terms that I think are taught in the Gospels and that formed the foundation of Joseph Smith’s efforts - by talking of communal unity [“community”] (a societal completeness and wholeness of unique but united individuals) as opposed to the “sameness” of most worldly definitions.

Simplifying Life

The following hung on our wall growing up - and my mother (with 8 children) truly believed and lived it:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow,

for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow.

So, quiet down cobwebs; dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

A couple of years ago, our family was rushing about frantically - trying to get six kids and two parents to every activity we could cram into a schedule for at least five over-achievers (my oldest son and I don't always fit that description). My wife and I made the conscious decision to slow down, let go of everything except the one thing that each child wanted to do most and have more time to spend together as a family.

It was one of the best decisions we have ever made.